lucky boys confusion - hey driver

way back when in the olden days of legend, tuey and i were driving around and heard a song on the radio that was really really good. we couldn't remember any of the words to it except maybe two or three, or the tune, or anything like that. just that it was good.
luckily for me the very, exact moment i started my car this afternoon, that song started on the radio. i stopped the car, sat there with a little sticky note and pencil, and wrote down as many lyrics as i could fit. then i drove off, trying to keep hearing the song through the three other radio stations. and this is where i got really really angry! the song ended, the dj came on, i was pulling to a stop. i was completely ready to write down title and artist. "hey listeners, that song you just heard was..." and i stopped behind a car in one of those stupid spots, where the radio station is cut out and replaced by some easy-listening station that doesn't exist. i could've killed!!!!
but i still had my sticky note and when i got home i found the song. ta-da! lucky boys confusion, hey driver. it's good! it's just nowhere to be found to download on the internet. oh well.

pulley - hooray for me

it's over!!!
these last two weeks of torture and pain and hell have finally ended. i'm ready to sleep for 12 hours tomorrow, do absolutely nothing but laundry, and just... completely let go for the next two weeks! awesome!
i feel smooshed. flattened. dead. even as i'm sitting here, i'm having trouble sitting up straight to type. i'm so tired.. but the return of the king was so good!!! i cannot wait until the extended edition comes out and i can spend over 12 hours immersed in my imagination.

hot water music - wayfarer

okay, screw every horrible semi-depressed melancholic thing i just said earlier. i am happy! super happy! beyond happiness into ecstatic!
there i was, about to haul out the trash in my room and start puttin stuff together for tomorrow, when brent stopped me to eat his guacamole chips and the phone rang. guess who? you'll never guess. never.

.... c'mon, guess....

william!! hahaha! yeah, so he and a couple friends were in tacoma, and they decided to stop by and he needed directions again. umm... yeah so i was surprised... i mean come on, i'm going down to see them all on sunday, and then they just pop up thursday night? well yeah, i was happy. duh. so they show up and michael (not kimbrough) was there, plus two new people, tony and greg. greg's attractive. tony's got nice muscles, 'cause i got to see him without a shirt. should i explain? i suppose i will.
first off, they stood around my kitchen. tony picked at the chicken i bought for dinner and ended up eating it all. then they explored my room, i spilled diet coke all over my history book, they liked my aol cd's. then greg found my hair dye and that brought up the bleach, and tony decided he wanted to bleach his hair. so that's what we did. and he took his shirt off to wash it out, and that's how i know he looks good without a shirt. anyway. greg showed me lots of pictures of people i don't know. i didn't talk to william too much. michael's cool too, he told me all about how he and greg are related. and yeah. after we washed out tony's bleach, we colored his hair with my sharpie rainbow to make it look like my slippers, which it does! i took pictures too. and then we spiked it into two mohawks, so he could really stand out. and... that's all. they left to go pick up... someone's brother. i don't remember who's.
and that is why i am extremely happy! you see, this is what my dear ol' long beach does to me. i get in this giddy exciteable mood where everything is just... great! because it is. really.

pulley - the ocean song

these days are so long and full... i can't keep track of everything.
i really, really need a good dose of immaturity. all these things that need to be done are making me grow up and be all responsible... and i hate it! i sit there, surrounded by people i know and like, and all i can think is "shut up! you're stupid, you have no idea what you're talking about, that's dumb, why do you make such a big deal out of it?!" it's mostly people i just met this year, though. and there are actually some other people i've met this year that i really, really wish i could get to know better because they actually seem intelligent (unlike those who shall remain nameless).
hopefully, i'll get a chance to hang out with jamie and her fed pool buddies, and get in some good, quality, intelligent immaturity time. she seems a lot like me, and if her friends are like that too... that would be good. i'm having trouble finding people like me these days. there are my good buddies, who i love and trust, and then there are the buddies of my buddies, who just kind of get on my nerves. there are the people i've met in class, or know just a tiny little bit outside class, and want to break the ice with but just haven't gotten a chance. it's just... i feel like i need to figure things out now, while i can. it's like, i'm running out of time and if i don't start getting my way soon, i'm going to be stuck for the rest of my life in the same rut. i don't like ruts. i like to keep moving.

cold - the day seattle died

you know, i've had this song on my computer for the longest time. i love it, adore it, listen to it all the time.
yet it's just now that i realized it's a tribute to kurt cobain. (i also noticed cobain mentioned in an our lady peace song... i really need to start listening to lyrics more closely.) anywho, there i was, just sitting nice and quiet wrapping presents when i noticed "the needle became your queen, the drug had become your enemy, and music was just a way for you to bleed" followed by a line in the chorus "we could all feel the shotgun hit the floor". and this was when i realized - the day seattle died. DUH! the song gave me chills before... now it's just plain spectacular. (oxymoron.) so here's the lyrics for all of you out there, and go download it if at all humanly possible.

Turn all the lights down low
Trying to fade your apathy
Made up a world where you can’t even be you
Star in a tragedy
Shattered voice on an open chord
They line up around the world just to hear you scream

Blown away by fame
We could all feel the shotgun hit the floor
Never mind in faith
If you can't believe

Drowning in misery
The nightmare began when you closed the door
You sat in your angry chair and just tried to be you
The needle became your queen
The drug had become your enemy
And music was just a way for you to bleed

Blown away by fame
We could all feel the shotgun hit the floor
Never mind in faith
If you can't believe

Blown away by fame
We could all feel the shotgun hit the floor
Never mind in faith
If you can't believe
and you won't believe
and he can't believe

everclear - heroin girl

i'm so tired, i don't know if i'll be able to do this whole thing justice...
as i was driving back from the supermall, i think i finally experienced what i've been deciding to do for a long time. shoulders back, chin up, spine straight. face the world and don't let my own doubts change the way i want to present myself to the world. i don't know exactly how it happened, but i was getting into one of those self-doubt moods... when it stopped. i didn't care anymore. i know i'm not really the horrible person i think i am. i know other people (with a few exceptions) don't see me like that either. i can be proud of who i am, and if i can't, then i can start being proud now and prove myself along the way.
my whole view of the world has shifted. i'm actually seeing people now. i'm realizing that beyond wondering what a person's story is, there actually is a story. the girl sitting next to me in history might actually have the same concerns about herself that i do about myself. once you get past the criticism of a person's looks, attitudes, personalities... there's a whole life, experiences and opinions, injuries, accomplishments and losses that have added together to make them who they are.
it's a strange thought, that maybe i've been going about life the wrong way.
if you have a problem with me writing about this, tuey, just let me know and i'll take this part down. there aren't any details, though.
to everyone else, the conversation i had with tuey today is what changed everything. stephanie has always been my friend, this crazy, psychotic girl who doesn't let things effect her, who doesn't give a shit what the world thinks of her. i've never been able to imagine tuey being unsure of herself, thinking like i do, that maybe she's just bullshitting herself.
but after today... it's like, that invincible, untouchable image of her is gone. the surprising thing is, it's not a bad thing in any way. she seems real to me now. she's not just tuey. this is stephanie, my friend, a girl i've known for 4 years now and the entire time, really had no idea. it's hard to explain this.
steph, i admire you. completely and totally. unlike me, you don't just go blabbing every last detail of your personal life. you're talkative and friendly and sometimes it's hard to get you to shut up, but somehow the details of what you've really been up to slip by. it's like... i don't know. you're strong, independant. it's like, besides just not liking being touched physically, emotionally, you're completely beyond the reach of everyone else. you're definately smarter than me in countless ways, but i knew that already... this is just proof, again.
anyway. i guess the whole point of this thing is, i'm taking a new approach to life. shoulders back, chin up, spine straight. look people in the eyes and smile and care. forget my problems. we all go through enough shit on our own, we don't need to hear about the aches and pains of another person's life. it's okay to share something serious. but it's hard to care about someone who's tired when everyone else is, too.

five iron frenzy - a flowery song



oh, what i'd give for the olden days. back when everything was so simple, yet seemed so hard. daily concerns involved being overlooked in jessika's shadow, playing with the neighbor's dog and hoping maybe eli would notice me.
now... well, shit. one of my friends is dead from a brain tumor. i'm plagued with doubts about the sincerity of my personality. my best friend isn't as important to her boyfriend as his drugs are. i don't even know what's going on in my other friend's life because i can't stand to be in her presence for more than a few minutes. jessika is hardly someone i look up to and admire these days. who really cares if that cute guy notices me, anyway? there's always someone else. and to top it all off, i'm constantly dehydrated because i drink diet coke instead of water.
no, i think the saddest thing of all is this: despite how easy it was then, and how complicated it is now... i wouldn't give it up for the world.

eve 6 - open road song

just after we'd gotten back from lunch in our marketing class, everyone started to smell something burning. like an electrical fire. after a while of complaining about it with no one listening, we stood up and started looking around for the source. chris, this giant football player, stood on the desks under a vent and sniffed... it was coming from the vents. finally our teacher realized we weren't just being stupid highschoolers, and she called the fire department. we got kicked out of the classroom for a little while, but then she made us come back in to work in the store. the fire fighters walked through the school in full gear to check it out, then they left again. not a thing was said about it. no one besides the principal and a few other key authorities were notified. it was dumb! what's the point in them constantly repeating fire drills so that we'll know what to do when there's a fire, when the one time there actually is a fire, they don't even get the students out of the classroom it's burning over.
other than that... i'm extremely satisfied with my life these days. well, moderately satisfied. i feel a lot better about myself. i was talking to kevin today during lunch, and he was telling me about how he had the biggest crush on me in seventh and eighth grade. i'm glad he told me this. after all, i've always thought of those years as "the ugly years". i'd show you a picture to demonstrate why, except i've gotten rid of every picture taken of me from that time. it's just... well, nice, to know that someone could still see something interesting about me during a time that i was convinced the entire world found me undesireable.
i just tried on a few bathing suits that i've got in my closet. ugh, i really don't want to put myself through the whole bathing suit thing. but there's an employee party on friday, and if i go (which i probably will), i'm going to want to go swimming. i haven't done that since... mexico. so, i'll probably go. free food and swimming, and i get paid for it, too.
six days. just six more days....

afi - paper airplanes (makeshift wings)



The Timeless Art of Seduction. aka, What is he doing to that horse?!

so... today... very, very, extremely good day for me. despite the whole work part.
no, actually, i take that back. even though the working part of work sucked, the sitting around talking to the lifeguards part of work wasn't too bad. i heard some stuff, learned some new things... and i think, my goal since may has finally been acheived.
after work! brent and i drove alll around tacoma and went to jillian's and played pool and ate at jack in the box. i loved it! seriously it's great to just spend some time with him, doing nothing really important but just screwing around. we played for about an hour and he says i've even improved since we started. =) this makes me very happy, if you have any idea what my pool skills are like.
when i got home! i gave scott his christmas present. oh baby! his reaction was priceless! he looked at the poster (the picture from up above) and just groaned in horror and was like "why?!" then he started laughing uncontrollably for a little while, then calmed down. and looked at the poster again, groaned in disgust, and started laughing again. this repeated itself about... 10 times? haha, seriously, my mom was concerned and had to ask him what was wrong, he was reacting so badly. it was just about the funniest thing i ever saw, and i'm really glad i gave it to him.
so now i'm talking to david (daaaavid!), the albino elephant, and i am so psyched to be going to long beach! one week from today i will be in the presence of my most favoritest people in the world. why are they my favorite? goodness, you haven't been reading my blog, have you! not only are they wonderful, fantabulous people, but i only get to see them about once every 4 or 5 months, so every second with them is absolutely priceless. this time, i promise, i will get lots of pictures so you can at least semi-experience the joyous atmosphere.
so... yeah. i'm not sure how i'll make it through the rest of the week... lots to do, lots to dread and lots to look forward to... but 'tis the season, after all, and lots has to happen to make it memorable!