sublime - santeria

got in a fight with my mom before work. oh well. worked until 2, which sucked. went to taco bell with ryan, which was actually pretty fun. came home and read a book and forgot to run like i'd planned. damn it, i'm slacking already - this time next week and running will be a distant memory.
eventually i went over to steph's, and ryan was there! .. oh, right, since there are three different ryans running around these days, i went to taco bell with the ryan from work and ryan burrel was at tuey's. i gave him his christmas and birthday presents and he loved the bob marley-ness. he got me the kurt cobain journals and i'm incredibly happy. his cat even chewed on the corner, so it looks like a real journal instead of a book-journal.
ryan had to go to a dance with his girlfriend, and tuey abandoned me and brenda to go pick up her neighbor from the emergency room, who hit her head when she slipped while dyeing her hair. don't you just love the drama? ha! so brenda and i sat on her kitchen floor and talked about our lives, while the little kid we were supposed to be watching kept interrupting with tales about his halloween candy.
tuey came home and i drove brenda back to her house, came home and i've been reading for the past couple hours. tada! tomorrow i might go hang out with the sophomore, but tuey's supposed to come over and clean and i need to do homework and my parents think i'm a godless heathen so they want to take me to the sunday night service at church. hopefully i can find a way out.

afi - this time imperfect

maybe it's not just me. maybe it's more than just my own failures that keep me from being happy.

pistol grip - the unwanted

yes, indeed.
i missed precal and weight training, spent it all in marketing presentations, learning about giving speaches and how to speak, convey ideas clearly. "in order to be successful, one must portray an image of success at all times." and i learned how to give off that image, supposedly.
now if i had the energy and amibition to actually work on it all, i could probably kick some major butt at state. i love this marketing business stuff, really. love it. seriously, there's so much out there to learn and get involved in... but i don't have much ambition, and i'm inherently lazy.
work sucked.
oh but before that, i gave that cool sophomore a ride home, he lives right next door to mcknight. that kid... i swear he's insane, he was jumping around the backseat of my car like some crazy monkey and attacking liz and swinging his duct tape sword all around. he's awesome! haha. like a crazy hyperactive 12 year old. then liz and i made pasta roni and ate that before i left.

the cure - love song

mmmm. i just woke up from a very nice nap, i fell asleep around 6 and was having a very nice dream about ryan being black. i woke up when the phone rang about 5 minutes ago and got online to tell him that, he loves it!
i'm going to go downstairs and get something to drink very soon because i'm really really thirsty.
after school liz and i came back to my house and went for a nice long run, we pushed each other and came home soaking wet from the rain. we took showers and picked up rai and fran, and went to starbucks. i was sooo hungry, it felt so good to finally eat... yeah we went to subway and i spent the last of my lunch money that's supposed to last through next week, oops. we did (a little) homework then came home around 5.
holy crap!! my brother found this insane kids show on pbs, we were all watching it and cracking up and laughing our asses off... he's like, "you know, even at my most drunk, i'd never be able to come up with something like this. whoever made this show is obviously taking some drug i've never heard of." because it was that funny. it's called boohbah, it's these... round bouncy things with little heads they can drop down into their bodies, and they dance and bounce around and make those shoe-fart noises every time they step somewhere. you really have to see it to understand the full impact of this show. 5 o'clock on pbs, channel 12. watch it tomorrow. i would 'cept for work.
so we lay in my bed for a long while, and liz told me about how her relationship with jason has been going... she'll figure it out though. if she ends up in my position, well, then best of luck to her. she'll find her perfect man eventually.
and then i fell asleep after she left. and i woke up with all my blankets on the floor.

the cure - close to me

ohh, i feel good... nice and relaxed and loosened up... all that frustration and anger are gone (at least until school tomorrow). it was so nice, to just.. have that entire damn olympic sized pool to myself!! well, i just thought i'd let you know. this is one of my more mellow and friendly moods. if i could feel like this all day? i'd be set for life.

cure - boys don't cry

it is so easy for me feel bitter without any reason at all, it amazes me! i was sitting around relaxing after work, i'd been home maybe five minutes? the parents both came home all at once, my mom was like, "chelsea, here's what i want you to do." i was lying on the couch and listened to her with the blanket over my head, trying to block it out. "get the mail," wince, "feed the dog," groan, "and give your mother a hug because i haven't gotten one in a while," sheepish grin as i pull the blanket off my head. then she starts going on about how proud she is of me, that i'm working so very hard and i'm not giving them any trouble (like i used to. she didn't say that but it was implied.) and as nice as it was to hear that my parents like what i'm doing these days, it just filled me with disgust for myself. i'm tired and stressed all the time - i hardly ever smile or laugh, and rarely talk to anyone besides the usual crowd. my room is a mess, my mind is a mess. i can only get so much done in one day before i crash and my brain fizzes out. and then, instead of going to bed at night, i stay up until 2 am reading these damn books. i'm gross, dirty... i really need to get things together, look around and take all the opportunities i can find. but i don't.
i'll be going swimming in an hour. i need to find goggles before then, or something? hm. and what to do until then?

weezer - suzanne

once again, spent the day with liz. i don't mind. back in the day, in 7th and all? oh, how i hated her sometimes... mostly because she was always calling me. but now i'm happy to have someone to run around with. we went to good will and tried on a bunch of clothes - t-shirts and jeans and random things we'd assembled. at one point i was dying to take a picture - me in my faded almost-acid wash jeans and a stretchy neon pink and black shirt with my hair up in a high ponytail, i looked like i'd come straight from the 80's, and her in a black-lace prom dress. with her black hair and pale skin she looked like some kind of gothic fairy princess. it was just too cool, i was dying for us to go outside and just.. walk around. heh. so then we went to the dollar store, you know, the usual rounds. we went ballistic over the good humor ice cream! yumm. and we found a bunch of cool things, like lunch boxes and storage racks and kiddy body spray.
there was this minute moment in time, about a 2-second span total. right after school i was just heading to my car and i saw tuey, she was walking in the direction i was going and brandon came up to her, you know, the usual stuff after school. meet by her car, go to his house, whatever they do every day. and it was like, this sudden realization, not like a jolt or a light bulb or anything like that, just an observation that, well, i want that. that easy, long standing relationship those two have. everything in their life is mixed in with the other's, and i envy that. ... i know why i can't, though, why i haven't had it yet and why i won't for several years. it's okay. i'll last. it was just weird, though, because later liz was talking about being in love and all this stuff, expecting me to understand, and i was just like, liz, remember? that's never happened to me, thanks.
i'm not trying to pity myself, though. actually, the thing that bothered me a lot today was when we had to draw another stupid lab for anatomy. i'm sick of learning about bones by drawing them! can't she think of some new way of teaching? but yeah, well, it's been a pretty good day! i won't go into the little details, though, because it's just my thing to smile about and for you to never understand.

gorillaz - punk

what a looong day. funny, though, since i've only been up for about 15 hours. why am i so tired?
well, i went to work early in the morning, and it wasn't so bad. everyone was there, we did the whole group cleaning thing, ate doughnuts and drank water and talked and bonded and all that good stuff. it's cool how everyone gets along - we don't see each other often enough to dislike each other.
after it was all done and over with, hazel bought me lunch at taco bell and we talked for a good long while, which was fun. around 2 i came home and liz came over, we went for a run and watched american beauty.. it's such a sad movie, disturbing too, but i love it. later liz was sitting on my bed and said, that compared to all the families she can think of, mine's pretty much the most normal. and so she can almost imagine all of that, or something like it, being more likely to happen to my family than anyone else's. isn't she sweet?
i should really be studying for that test i have to take before school tomorrow.
we had pot roast at liz's house! we sat with her parents and watched the news, talked about running and skiing and mad cow disease. back at my house again, liz ate easy cheese out of the can and i took online personality tests. i'm all-around average, self absorbed, and my main insecurity is that i want to be loved. scary how accurate those stupid things are, huh? oh, and my most likely compatible love-match is cole, at 96%. ellie is at 84%, but liz was... 40-something. so there you go.