dandy warhols - bohemian like you

i got about 7 hours' sleep last night, i just got back from driving brenda home in slippers and pajamas, and i'll be off to take a shower soon.
good glory, last night was terrific! all of yesterday, in fact. definitely one of the best halloween's i've had yet.
school was pretty usual, except i didn't talk to jeff much at all during weight training. steph and i sat on the wrestling mats, she played cell phone games and we talked. jeff had disappeared for half the time, and when he came over he still didn't say a whole lot to me.
after school i drove liz and jeff home, we all kinda wandered around my house while we found stuff to do. liz tore apart my room. i turned up the music and jeff "helped" me make brownies. very, very gradually we
liz just called and i am not ready for that kind of pointless constant talking right now. it's gonna be a long day.
anyway we gradually started putting on our costumes and steph and brenda came over. then they left again, i forget why, but they did. liz went to work. jeff and i wandered around my house for a while, me in my skanky ass whore costume and jeff in his regular clothes. 'cause yeah, he decided to hang out with the guys for halloween 'stead of goin' out in the freezing ass cold with all of us. when steph came back we drove jeff over to jaryd's, then went over to brandon's to pick up his little brother (brandon was working, but christian wanted to trick-or-treat). and i guess that's when stuff started to really pick up. 'cause yeah, i was kinda bummed that jeff wouldn't be with us, but i understand why he didn't come and all. but yeah, so while steph was going to get christian, she was tweaking out about anyone driving her car, so i was got her all freaked out while i climbed into the driver's seat. it's hard to explain, but she kept stopping and turning around while i moved a little bit more and was yelling and stuff... and yeah. it was just funny. so we all came back to my house and ryan was there and we finished getting ready and i stole my mom's leather jacket 'cause it was insanely cold out.
trick or treating was pretty interesting. freezing cold, if i haven't said that enough. i ran into the kids i babysit in the hooker-ish outfit. (what it was, is, black mini-ish skirt, thigh high fishnets, boots, half untucked dress shirt and a messed up black tie. i wore it 'cause i knew jeff'd like it but then he didn't come so... yeah. froze my ass off, really uncomfortable after a while in those boots and yeah.) halfway through the ridge brenda and i switched shoes, so i didn't look so bad in her black and orange tennis shoes. the fishnets kept falling down after a while. we all wanted to just take off and go to the mall or something but christian insisted we keep going... no matter how cold it was... anyway after a while christian -finally- got cold enough to agree to head back, and we kinda shuffled our way back across that insanely huge neighborhood toward steph's car. once we got into campus woods we were pretty much spent, brenda wasn't saying much, christian wasn't helping much, and ryan could barely move. steph and i decided we'd get warmed by running to the car, so we did. we made it to the van and almost died of joy when we got the heater on, then drove and got the rest of the kids from where they gave up.
we drove to my house and changed and got ryan's stuff, drove christian home and dropped him off, then headed down toward auburn. we went to regal and watched brandon forever through the windows. it was easy to spot him 'cause he was wearing a pirate hat and kept kinda bouncing around. so yeah, after doing that for about 10 minutes we were freezing again and went in, and talked to him. steph was happy 'cause she got to see her boyfriend, brandon was happy 'cause we visited him, and the rest of us were happy 'cause we thawed out again. we got some free water and when we got back into the cold, ryan threw the water in my face and my face froze. sorta. we got back to the car and i thawed out again. we didn't really know what to do after that, y'know? so we got some wendy's and ate that and parked and listened to the radio and talked but really, nothing happened. i tried calling jeff - didn't work, i forgot he doesn't have any minutes on his cell phone. so we sat around some more. my phone rang and steph looked at me and was like "ten bucks it's jeff." and it was! and of course i was insanely happy to hear from him, and he was about to meet us at brandon's later but then decided not to, which pretty much killed my happy mood. but at the same time it was kinda funny, 'cause as he hung up steph was screaming at him over the phone "look at that face! look what you did!" and they were like, "hey you're okay right?". 'course i told them i was fine, and now i've got a new favorite quote from ryan - "you're so full of shit your eyes are brown." so after that i just kinda slept in the seat, and later moved to the backseat wrapped up in my and ryan's sweatshirts. brandon got off work early, around 11:30, so we picked him up and this other guy kyle, and drove them home. it's kinda cool, 'cause this dude kyle lives in my neighborhood in that blue house. well you don't know what i'm talking about. but there's this blue house with a basketball hoop and a car with funky monkey stickers and stuff on it, and i've always wondered who lives there. and now i know! so he changed real fast and came back to brandon's with us. it was insane in his house. pat had a bunch of his friends over, they were all drunk. then there was us. terry came in and was like, "my mom said no one but the kids who came out of her own womb are supposed to be here tonight. and that's like, three people?" this was while we were all pretty much crowded into the family room watching tv.
anyway so we went out back and did stuff then came in and stood around for a while. luke made a pizza and we pretty much ate it all without him. while we were standing around the kitchen one of pat's friends came in and just puked into the sink, i kinda laughed about that to myself. he'd actually vomited on himself first, he'd been sleeping and people came in and started shaking him and he lost it. but yeah he went into the living room and passed out on the couch. pat was talkin to us, telling us not to shake him and stuff. it's kinda funny, actually. i've never heard pat say more than a couple words, and there he was, not shutting up. yeah. talked to brenda a little bit, she drank a little for the first time and she liked it. i had one bacardi raz, nothing more 'cause i didn't want to get drunk or anything. that would've been a little hard to shake off when we went home. we sat on the couch and ate christian's candy, someone put in predator and i kept dozing off and waking up. around 3:15 we, me tuey and brenda, packed up and headed home. ryan spent the night at brandon's. we drove home and came in, freezing again from the little bit outside, and all kinda dropped into bed in another 10 minutes. it was kinda funny, there was no way i was sharing my bed, so i kicked them into my brothers' rooms. and i think steph actually slept better than me, in brent's room with all the giant blankets my mom put on his bed, though brenda was really freaked out by scott's room and the weird quilt on the wall.
we all got up around 10:30 and just sat in brent's room and talked for a while, steph went home and brenda was supposed to be picked up by her mom, but we didn't hear her at the door so i had to drive her home. i hope she's not in trouble for that....
but yeah, last night's also kinda hazy, so much happened that, for example, i couldn't remember if i'd actually heard the dandy warhols on the radio or not until steph mentioned that she couldn't figure out why she had that name in her head. so we all started singing the song and yeah. it was just, a really good night. lots of fun stuff, lots of 'misery loves company' going on in the cold, lots of just stupid sleeping and talking and, yeah. i enjoyed it a bunch. i just wish jeff could've been there... it would've been a lot better.
i really want to write about something in this, but it's something i don't want everyone to know about. i've talked to tuey and ryan about it, and jeff and i have sort of figured it out. it's just hard... i dunno... i feel bad but it's not something that usually comes up, so it shouldn't be a real big deal, you know? but it is.

hot water music - wayfarer

you know, it's been a good day. a wonderful day. an absolutely, fantastic, completely eneventful day.
i don't remember school much, it was a while ago. oh wait, yes i do. but there's not much to mention. it just wasn't all the great. i was tired and still a little sad about last night, so i was a little slow on the uptake all day.
work, believe it or not, is what really got me going. nothing in particular. i just sat and talked to jamie (receptionist) for a little bit about what we were doing for halloween. she's going partying. i actually feel a little better about my drinking performances - apparently she's an even worse lightweight than me, and doesn't know when to quit either. unlike me, though, it doesn't bother her at all.
anyway, just grinning and talking to someone, someone who didn't give a shit what kind of day i was having, made me suck it up and move on. and so i did.
a little after i got home my parents took off for their home group, and i had the house to myself. so i baked a cake. and while i was reading, ryan called, and i just about died of happiness. ryan's the best! i've told him countless times in many different ways, but this is just a reminder for when he reads this - i know you, ryan. all about your mad cow disease and russian pimping. so, yeah, we talked for a good hour, while i frosted my cake and had a run-in with a centipede and ryan froze his ass off outside his house. eventually we hung up and i sat down to read my (jeff's) book, and right as it got to the part that i actually cared about... cole called. and i'm sorry! (actually, i don't think he reads this.) but i kinda booted him off the phone after listening to him complain about work for a couple minutes.
ryan, they killed him! the only reason i liked those books - they killed him!
yeah, so i finished harry potter tonight. and i'm sad. the only reason i read those books was because i really liked sirius. everyone else in the books is all "ooooh, harry potter" or "woe is me, i'm harry potter" and then you've got sirius, running around all goofy-like and fun-loving and... yeah. made me angry, i tell ya.
soooo yeah, then my parents came home and they brought me brownie mix. and i've just now realized the possibilities that little box has. maybe i won't make them right after school tomorrow. i have the cake already, i don't need brownies too.

it's just noise, but i need it

today was good... then bad... but has ended up even better.
school was fine. i actually enjoyed it a lot more than usual, just typical stuff that made my day. after, put some more money in the bank, bought some milk, came home and did homework/read a book. just a nice, relaxing, stress-free day to get stuff done without feeling rushed. and then... well... i was in a good mood, right? and it had been raining and hailing and i was dancing around in that. and i just felt good. so i decided, y'know, disliking my dad every time i see him probably isn't a good thing. maybe i should try to patch things up, my way. (since his way of getting me to like him is being overbearing and crowding my personal space.) so i showed him this little paper that frederick gave us, just some incriminating facts about our current president that make you shake your head with the shame at it all, while at the same time laughing because he was a cheerleader. and... well... wrong thing to do. long story short, he blew up first, i got angry back, yelling match followed by me being shoved around, ending with my mom splitting us up and trying to figure out what happened. i hid in my room for a while, tried my best to ignore my dad when he came in and tried talking to me, called jeff and took off to his house for a couple hours.
and that's where the story turns happy again. i felt like absolute shit and jeff hugged me, held me. we sat in his room and talked, just random stuff, and eventually i actually felt better (which, believe me, i didn't think was possible tonight.) he showed me his puppy and we ate ice cream, listened to music and just... shat around. 'round ten i had to go home. and here i am, home, happy, feeling better than i did all day, though a little sleepy and my eyes are still puffy. (it wasn't even the stressful, tired crying that's silent but bearable. this was angry, sobbing crying that's giving me one of the worst headaches.) but yeah. i felt really dumb running to jeff when i got in a fight. but at the same time, it felt really good. i've never had anyone to turn to when i've felt like this before. and no matter how much i liked benji (my stuffed dog), it's just not quite the same as being able to hang on to jeff and close my eyes and forget why i was upset in the first place.

pearl jam - last kiss

so tired. and i was stressed earlier, i'm sorry for that. sorry to anyone i might've offended today. it's been a long day, and it can't end fast enougj. i'm so behind on my history, i still haven't read that chapter, now i have a second one to finish, it's going to be a long week. i fell asleep on michelle's couch and it didn't last nearly long enough.
today was two months for us... he got me two roses, and i foiled his plans by coming to school a different route. it was still incredibly sweet though. it's the first time i've ever had someone buy me flowers. i've been in a semi-happy daze all day thanks to him. he's great, y'know.
i think i've been reading too many books, though. they're putting ideas into my head.
there's more to write, but i'm so completely exhausted right now that i really don't care. i'm going to sleep.

mighty mighty bosstones - numbered days

ohhh, la de da, happy day... finally had weight training with my bestest buddy in the whole wide world, tuey, and oh it was lovely. nothing especially exciting. it was just really nice to finally have someone i know in the same room.
soooo after school i went over to liz's with jeff, and we sat around in her room and listened to music for two hours without saying much of anything. liz told him her life story, i'm not sure how he took it.
after, we went grocery shopping and i grabbed all sorts of random shit, frosting and different boxes of corn crackles, etc. parents were thrilled with the responsibility i've been showing lately. silly kids.
carved my pumpkin tonight, it doesn't look very good, but then again, i'm not very creative. it's cool though, i like it anyway. it's basically a bunch of rectangles that make a smiley face.
scott's home, and as much as i want to go out and spend the night talking to him, come back maybe around 3 am... i've got school tomorrow, then work and babysitting, and i need to get at least a little sleep, plus maybe do my homework eventually. but probably not.

maxeen - soleil

it's only 6? crazy! i don't think i'll be able to manage another 4 hours before i fall asleep.
today's been productive. woke up, read a book. went to church (amazing sermon today, about how the bad things in life often work into a bigger picture). came home and went to jeff's 'cause i felt like it, helped him paint his house for about 45 minutes, then went home. mother and i cleaned up a house (some friends of hers just moved out) and got wendy's drive-thru. now i'm in my pj's and ready to call it a day, but i still have a couple hundred things i still need to do.
however, it was a good day! i really enjoyed seeing jeff today. he was covered head to toe in paint, and i would've killed for a camera. he complains a lot about his family, but they seemed to get along pretty well. running around attacking each other with paint and everything.
my parents are getting more and more serious about putting peabody to sleep. i have a feeling he'll be gone in a couple months. the thought's really depressing. our house is empty enough, with brent gone. i miss my brother insanely, not having anyone to talk to or joke around with. at least peabody adds a sense that there's someone else in the house. i don't know, my parents don't really seem to count. with peabody gone, the house will just be empty. my house will be like liz's or evan's, which, no offense to them, have always seemed eerily empty. i mean, i've grown up with older brothers always around, and while it's nice to be home alone sometimes, it's also incredibly lonely compared to what i've been used to.
but, to get to the point, i'm jealous of jeff. he's got his family. even if they don't always get along, and i'm sure he probably gets irritated with how cramped it is, being completely alone isn't much of a trip either.