everclear - unemployed boyfriend

so i'm sitting here, bored. woke up kinda early for a saturday, 8 or 9? decided impulsively to take a run, so i did. god, it's murder, running on my own. for some reason running in weight training is never as bad as doing that mile-lap around the neighborhood. so yeah. shower and all that. daily routine. bought tommy's birthday present plus a new everclear for myself. it's... it's growing on me. at first i was kind of iffy about it. but there are some really good songs on it. it's really laid-back and sentimental.
eventually i have to go buy some new earring backs for my mom. i don't really want to do it, but oh well. i will.
about soccer last night? didn't happen. i went to celebration, no one showed up. it was really foggy and scary, so i just drove around for a while instead, came home, and went for a run.
see, that book i read yesterday? it's gotten me into a running kick. i might actually stick with it this time. maybe? let's hope.
so now my legs are sore and twingy. it hurts to hold the peddals down on my dad's blazer while i'm driving, and that's why i don't want to go back out.

hot water music - wayfarer



sooo what happened today, you ask? not a whole damn lot, yet. school was school, the same routine. it wasn't all that bad, though. just easy. i'm getting into this routine, i almost like it - at least i have nothing to be scared of, right? yeah! so i was going to go to the fusion meeting today after school, first ever meeting for the gay-straight alliance, but liz was in a crisis and needed a ride to work. so i did the dutiful friend thing and drove her. i'm so nice, huh?
haha, yeah right. anyhow. i got home and got really really restless and bored. so of all things, i read a book. feeling sorry for celia. it tells the story through a series of different notes and letters. the main character writes to a penpal from a different school, gets fake letters updating her on how she's failed in life as a teenager, and she communicates with her mom almost entirely through notes taped to things.
soo, yeah. that's what i did all day today. read a book and went grocery shopping and cleaned the kitchen and fed the dog. nothing to get excited about. however! in an hour or so i will be taking off to go play soccer, so it's not all as bad as it sounds. can't wait to see the kids!

everclear - father of mine


so here's the story from start to finish, though probably not in chronological order.
twice today i found myself reading while surrounded by people. i thought i'd been kidding when i told steph i was going to start going geek again, but i guess it's actually happening. honestly, though, school was a blur. it seems like a deal while i'm there, but then it's over, and it's over. poof, gone. just like that.
i was using a rolled-up abercrombie tank top as a prop for my wrist (to prevent carpal tunnel!) while playing pinball before school this morning. i just shoved it in a corner of my desk.
hey kids, here's a new one - i got asked to a dance! go figure. i always kinda figured i'd never make it to a formal, 'least not at decatur. but here we go! should be interesting - just going as friends, of course, but i'm still excited.
hahaha, dude i'm talking to michael right now, and i just realized i went from a smoker who hates alcohol to an alcoholic who hates smoking. that boy's retarded dumb. worse than brandon.
so at work today! didn't see my 24 year old, though ryan was there so i still had someone to talk to. i held him up with a spray bottle-! we laughed when the little 12-year old punk ass skateboarders tried to flirt with me, laughed even more over the fact that i've been hit on twice in a week. oh yeah, and i ran into the guy from last week again. his name's roman. nifty keen. i'll save the juicy details of that conversation for myself.
i finished white oleander! ohhhh my god i love that book. love it, i say! so beautiful, full or art and ugliness and lessons on life. i could live by it. i always try to live by the people in my books, and i related to that one more than any others so far.
also. soon as i got freed up for friday, i'm back to being claimed for time. the kids want me to play soccer with them at celebration... at 10, after the lights go out. should be fun - should be interesting! can't wait!
so did i miss anything else? umm... doesn't look like it. alltogether wasn't so bad, despite the disconnected feeling, the disorientation and the feeling like i'm probably going to graduate just like brent, without any friends at my school.
tomorrow's friday, THANK YOU GOD! three day weekend. i cry for the pure joy of it. although, that means steph's going to steal my pants and i'll be walking around weight training again with nastified hairy legs. oh well.
oh, another thing. the days are getting longer! at least that's what it felt like, when i went to work today and there was sun shining through the skylights. it was sunny! really! it stayed light until after 4 - it felt like i hadn't seen the sun for that long a period of a time in years. summer's coming back... oh thank god... yes i know we've still got 5 or 6 months to go, but it's still coming! sooner than you think!

green day - j.a.r. (jason andrew relva)



it's called stockholm syndrome.

coheed and cambria - devil in jersey city

ahh, another day spent at the library. this is getting out of hand! i'm actually doing homework the day i get it, rather than the night before it's due. crazy, man. crazy.
hey, i feel better than i did yesterday! i guess sleeping early and the nice dreams paid off. also, i got sixth in marketing management - on to state i go!
you know, though, right now i really feel like i don't have any kind of life of my own. i have liz and tuey. and that's pretty much it - i rarely see anyone else, and if i do, it's because i circumstantially ran into them at one place or another. i mean heck, when i found out about going to state, the first thing i thought was "oh man i can't wait to tell my mom!" haha, she was right! i am regressing after all! i'm like a little kid who's highlight of the day is coming home and telling mom how it went.
but tommy's party is this saturday, so hopefully that will pull me completely out of this funk and into a better mood. i think i have seasonal depression, only it's more like, when it gets dark out i feel icky. i love the night, but if i can't see the stars and it's all wet outside, i just feel down.
anyway, enough about that, because i don't feel bad right now. i feel good. i feel like i'm back on top of things, instead of struggling desperately to keep up.

phone

umm... long day today. very very long. i've already vented to stephanie so i don't really see any point in going into it. i'm just too tired. maybe later.

pete yorn - simonize

i've been listening to this cd on repeat for several days now. i'm glad i rediscovered it. the music is soothing - just normal singing and guitar/piano playing without weird riffs or strange vocals going on that, eventually, actually get on my nerves.
after school i went directly to the library, much like i did on friday. and again, like friday, i sat and did homework for several hours. i got home around 5:30, made some soup and crackers and cleaned up the kitchen. of course, as soon as i'm done, my dad walks in with messy chinese food and a cheerful loud attitude, ruining that feeling i had of quiet responsibility.

exploited - sex and violence

i need i need i need. want want want. shut up already!
okay so here's the turning over of a new leaf. life is good. yah? yah! i enjoy being alive and it's only 'cause i read too much that i get all melancholy. just 'cause the person in the book has a crappy life doesn't mean i do! okay i mean, sure, i'm kinda hot and sweaty now from drinking that cocoa when it's already warm in here, and i haven't done any homework that i was going to do. but who cares? i'll just retire to the library like i did friday. that was kinda fun. i should make it a habit. go to the library and feel like a minority 'cause i'm surrounded to my neck with asians.

yellowcard - empty apartment

heh. i was reading back. maybe i actually felt that. but now it seems like i was just trying to convince myself. i wish i had something to convince myself about now.
i need to meet someone new! argh! meeting new people isn't about forgetting the old ones. it's about having the possibility that this person could live up to expectations. i already know what the people i know are like. i want to meet someone where i won't be able to guess what they're going to do next.
SneekySteffy: "I smoke pot and watch videos....I'm a slackerrrr"
i love my friends, though. i really do.

anti-flag - turncoat

oh oh, guess what i did! guess guess guess!!!
absolutely nothing!!!
seriously though. all i've done today is shower and finish the scarlet pimpernel. and i ate a frozen frosty from friday. (how's that for alliteration??) my plans for the rest of the evening include watching forces of nature on tv at 8. yes, i am aware of all the things i need to get done for next week. but really, what do i care? i just want to sit down and read a book and watch a movie. no more school, it gets in the way too much.