don't let the smell stop you

Saturday, February 01, 2003

wow. last night was eventful. i've got another thing to add to my "blocked memories" list. and at the same time i will always remember it. i really, really don't want to talk about it though. not today. right now i'm just happy. i spent a long night over at vanessa's, took it easy and talked about a whole lot of nothing. it felt good.
so i guess that $5 makeup thing my dad bought for me over the internet was a sham. they've starting charging us for all sorts of things that we never even heard about. we figure they'll be coming in the mail a little bit from now. it's crap, though. the makeup i got was horrible - the only thing i liked was the bright red hooker lipstick.
i like my family. i like them a lot. i look up to brent. brent's smart, funny, easy to get along with. he's got a lot going for him in life. he cares about me, looks out for me, and he doesn't want to see me mess up my life. he's my friend, and i value our friendship more than any other. he's... well.. he's my big brother! i love him and it kills me when we don't get along. scott, well, he's my bigger brother. i do look up to him, but i'm not comfortable around him. i love his sense of humor and just how he's a great guy when we get along. he's independant, which is something i really admire. i just wish i knew him better. as for my parents, well... we've got our problems. both of them can be overprotective and unreasonable. my mom holds a grudge much better than my dad does. it's easier for me to talk to my mom though. she's a girl, she understands me. my dad can be harsh and rude, and i always have to have conversations with him about his stuff. ....
i totally lost my train of thought with that. i give up. i'm really mad at evan right now. he's going out to buy the simple plan cd. now, i have nothing against simple plan. they're good, they're fun, they put me in a better mood. but evan doesn't have a whole lot of "punk" cd's, and the fact that he'd rather go out and buy simple plan than.. it just makes me sad. if he's going to be a lightweight listener, he should at least buy the good stuff. y'know? simple plan is for once you've got the good stuff and don't know what else to do.
oh well. i'm not exactly a professional in all things musical. it's mostly a bunch of crap, everything i say. my real music-listening theory? if you like it, go for it. forget about the people who sing it or the message people get when they hear you listening to it. if it makes you happy, or if the music satisfies you, then everyone else can just deal with it.

Thursday, January 30, 2003

sex and violence... probably the easiest song to memorize the lyrics to. hey! i had another GREAT day! seriously, everything's just been fantastic since.. hmm.. wednesday i think. and it can only get better. i hope! tomorrow should be really interesting. and i really need to figure out what's happening on saturday, if i'm going to get my ears pierced, go out w/ wendy or try to hook up w/ michael. questions questions... well, if there's even the slightest chance, i'm going over to jack's with stephanie. i SO hope that they decide to go! i've got $50 that i can spend. i'm going to get my ears pierced at least once in each ear, maybe twice if the pain's not too bad. and i REALLY want my tongue pierced. so bad. ahhh i'm gonna look so cute tomorrow! haha, you have no idea, i've been looking forward to friday all week. umm so yah. i think i'm gonna try to go do some of my homework now.

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

ha! last night was the best! i just feel so good today, it's just this natural high that's got me grinning like a godamn fool. today's been a great day. last night has lots to do with it, of course, but then i also saw caleb today, he recognized me (yeah! lol!), and randall's goin' to camp the same week as me, and i got to skip all of 6th period... i dunno, everything just feels so great today. i had dicklettes in chemistry, got myself a german guy to live w/ me, got to wear my slippers all day... yeah. it's all good.

Monday, January 27, 2003

i hate to admit it, but i think i'm going to stop going to youth group. it's not as fun as it used to be. everything's changed, and it's not for the better. i've quit drama, too - i just don't have time for it. i always seem to be busy on monday nights. i'm still going to church, though. i'm not giving up on god, just on youth group. for now.

well i'm at evan's right now. he and derek are playing some kinda james bond goldeneye type video game. these guys are hilarious to watch. they get so into it, yelling and twisting around 'n stuff. haha, i feel special. i got a slice of evan's pizza and derek 'n aaron didn't! ahh but it's cold in here, my feet and hands are ice! so i finally saw that movie that kate got her quote from "up your ziggy with a wa-wa brush!" it's pretty funny. a chick-flick type movie. i made aaron and derek watch it with me before we came over to evan's. anyways i'm gonna go eat some more candy.

good news! i'm on for february. i'm going to be missing lots of school this month - i love it!
other than that, nothing really new. i'll probably write later tonight if anything happens.

Sunday, January 26, 2003

drinking glue died on me. i don't know how. it just did. so now i can't use it, but it's still there. hm. long weekend for me. i went up to camp thunderbird for counselor training. it was hell, it was torture, i loved every minute of it. i am so excited to be a counselor in a few weeks. ever since gilead, i've wanted to be a counselor. i just couldn't imagine giving up a summer. this is perfect. a week off school, and i don't have to pay anything. the kids will love me. i can be crazy, i can be enthusiastic, and i will be cool. i'm going to bring some snacks for a party friday night, very discreet, very hush-hush. anyway, just this weekend was great. a bunch of high-schoolers running around acting like 6th graders, how much better can it get? we'll see. the week should be really interesting. i better get to go in february or i will be mad. hm. other news? well, i've gotten in lots of trouble over the past month. things are starting to calm down. new semester coming up, i'm really happy with my schedule, and satisfied with the people in my classes. well, except i'm not in history with sean anymore, english with kate, or sculpture with nick. it makes me sad. oh well, c'est la vie. that is how it goes, right?
i've been thinking a lot lately. entries aren't any fun to read unless the person bares their soul and talks about everything that matters to them. but... that's the problem. people do read these. so why would i want to open myself up for judgement?
ugh. everyone always makes fun of camp thunderbird. but you know, it's a really good experience. it's really going to build up my self-assurance. with just two days, i'm already taking more risks. i'm already doing things that i wouldn't normally. which is cool.
i don't have much emotional, touchy-feely stuff to talk about right now. but if i ever do, i will, i promise.