spent forever with my dad trying to parallel park today. let's just say... i can't.
funny story today! i was all set for it being a day with the family, 'cause everyone else has their own lives and all. so i'm headed out to get the mail and guess who drives right on by? evan. and josh is following him in his jeep. they got bored over at derek's so they stole his soda and ditched him. anyway, so evan pulls angled into our driveway (he barely made it in 'cause all our cars were parked along the street so i could parallel park between them). and they sat around my house for a while, writing dumb stuff on my chair and just messing around. um... so okay maybe it isn't such a funny story, but to me it is.
after they left my dad and i hopped in the car and started driving. ended up in kent, i think, and we found a fred meyer and did a bunch of grocery shopping. then drove home. it was fun, but we were about ready to rip each other's heads off. he had a headache so he wasn't being very open to noise, and, well, i have to have noise around me constantly. either i'm singing or talking or listening to the radio, whatever. anyway, yeah, lots of tension and stress and we weren't very happy with each other, but only because we were the only ones we could take it out on.

it's not going anywhere. sometimes i think i should just give up and let it go. but i already let too many things slide. i've missed out so much just because i didn't make the effort. i don't want that. i just don't know if it's worth working hard for, when there's practically nothing to give me confidance. there's nothing! nothing hinting that it could work. nothing implying that if i tried, i'd get something back. nothing.
it drives me crazy. i hate being an emotional wreck.
to give you all an idea of how i feel, listen to these song lyrics: "i've got the world up my ass."

ugh. stress. my mom is riding my back about getting a job, and how disappointed they are with me, and all that.
couple minutes later, i'm doing better, a little bit. cole called, he's having issues, so suddenly my little things don't really matter. i think liz is going to bail on me for kickboxing though, which wouldn't be cool at all.
i got some cool pictures today, i'm really psyched about that.
i'm so scared of getting a job. it's just starting to hit me what i'm getting myself into, with interviews and applications, and how easily i can screw it all up.

so! cole calls me up today, out of nowhere. he and his friends are housesitting for jake's brother (he's rich and has everything). so they were going through this guy's stuff and they hit the jackpot! his closet is full of weed. like, thousands of dollars worth. heavy enough that they couldn't lift it. they found a drawer full of condoms and lube and porn. they're looking for money now, just because. but seriously, the weed, it's crazy. this guy's known for always getting the good stuff. so cole and his friends are just kinda sitting there, shocked, staring at it and worshipping it. eventually they're all going to take a little, since there's enough that the guy couldn't possibly notice. now, it's been months since i've had anything in my system. cole's been clean for even longer than me. so our promise is he's gonna save it until he comes and visits next, and we're going to get totally fucked up. we'll probably bring brandon along, too. oh, you have no idea how fun it will be! i've never been much of a drug user, never really enjoyed it, but i think everyone deserves at least one good experience. so this will be it!

i was thinking while i was brushing my teeth this morning, emotions are a lot like little kids. you can try to ignore them, but they're always in the background wreaking havoc and running rampant and destroying things while they're unsupervised. you can try to reason with them, but they just shut you out and yell "no no no no no!!!" and do whatever they want. they're selfish and spoiled and they ruin every good moment.
other than that, today was a pretty damn good day. still having personal issues, always will be until it either stops or goes somewhere. but life's been good. saw friends at school, made it through driver's ed, went kickboxing and drowned in the sauna. parents took off, won't be home til way late tonight, so got to yell and scream and laugh and fight with brent without anyone telling us to shut up or calm down.

alright, so! i got an end banner today!
right after school chris and i went to the mall, got some starbucks and wandered around the mall picking up job apps. i probably won't get a job anywhere, but it'll be good experience and all. so after a while we headed over to zumiez, 'cause the end was there and all, and i asked if i could take the banner. the girl at the desk let me go for it, as long as the other guy didn't see me. so i took it and shoved it in my backpack. and the guy working that day was giving me bull about why would they want to hire me when i just stole a banner right in front of him? he was just jokin around tho, it was all lots of good fun. i got some new bracelets and a sticker, too!
man but seriously, i need more days like this. it was fun just kickin' it with chris, wandering around and not really doing anything but having fun anyways.
it's a beautiful day today! so i'm a little ticked that i have to spend it doing homework, but oh well. school before fun.

i really hate how i always talk about what i've done. but, well, that's what i'm thinking about. so live with it.
last night i was supposed to go see x2 with brandon and tommy. didn't, though, because tommy had to babysit. so i was sitting around bored out of my mind. sarah was having the same problem as me, so we got up off our butts and managed to get out and see a movie. she borrowed her dad's huge red industrial van (i love it!! it's so cool. she hates it though) and we drove down to auburn to see daddy daycare. cute movie! so anyway we were hungry after that, and we went to the drive-thru for wendy's. sarah was really embarrassed about her van, so i was making it worse for her by waving at all the people around us. the guys in the van behind us started waving back, and she tweaked out. so when we parked and they pulled up next to us, she drove across the parking lot to get away. one of the guys got out and walked over to us, asked if i went to his church (i do, but i don't remember who he is), then walked away. they flipped us off when they drove away. so. funny!
also, when i was giving sarah directions, i told her to watch out for all the cars and kids. 'cause y'know, during the evening there are always a bunch of people outside, getting home from work or talking to neighbors or little kids running around playing ball. but it was about 9:30 by the time sarah picked me up, so they were all gone. only, garet was having a party, and about 50 people were crowded outside in the street in front of his house. so we were laughing for about 10 minutes straight about the "crowds of kids" that sarah was supposed to watch out for.
i can't find the little dipper! i used to be able to, i know, i remember. i just can't find it anymore.
strange dreams last night. not exactly sure how they went, but there was some issue about my school id.