rancid - bloodclot

went to long beach today. drove all the way there. and when i got there around 11, i couldn't find anyone except elaina, and the bakery was hell-busy. so i couldn't talk to her barely at all. i ended up wandering around for 2 hours, going in stores and blowing bubbles at the beach and just... trying to pass the time. i was almost wishing i hadn't come, when i walked past the bakery and william was sittin on the bench outside with some guy. they'd been waiting for me (i'd been on the beach for the past 45 minutes or so). so i met this other guy, another michael, elaina loves him and he's actually really cool. so we bought a set of beach toys at the local store, a rake, a hoe, and a shovel, and set off for the beach. our attempts at building a sandcastle didn't go very well... i took pictures, you'll see. i guess the waves come in a lot further than we realized.
while we were walking around, william kept getting angry at people who were talking to him and commenting on his hair. but then, that's what he gets for dyeing his hair and eyebrows bright blue.
the drive home was a long one. at first my dad and i got along, then we didn't, then we did, then we didn't. right now it's just tense. what it was, was i was smiling and in a good mood and imagining the time when i would be doing that whole drive by myself, on some 3-day weekend from school or something, and driving home on a sunday afternoon. and my dad started "yelling" at me, although i guess it was more like preaching, about how he doubted i would ever be allowed to do that until i'd graduated from highschool. because the dumbasses in long beach do stupid shit every day and are going to get themselves killed. he lived there for 2 years and figures he knows exactly how it works. okay, i'll admit freely that they're not the brightest people in the world. but they're not the self-destructive dumb either. they're perfectly normal people, ones who i wish to god lived around here and i could see every day. maybe they won't be scientists and ceo's and pilots. but they'll always be the kind of people to turn to with a problem, to go to for support, to spend a day with and end up feeling better than you have in years. they're not bad people, they just don't have the same "opportunities" (expectations) that they'd have if they lived in a larger city.
anyway, so we were arguing about that for a while, as well as how i need to grow up and how he won't be convinced i'm out of this angry youth stage until i stop listening to my trash music. ... asshole... and i was daydreaming about having my own car and he said i was unrealistic and wasn't aware of the world around me. so... yeah.. i was arguing with him the whole time about it, and eventually we both just shut up and i turned up the radio. then there was this ordeal with some merging traffic and i didn't see the truck and my dad started yelling.. you know how he yells... needless to say it didn't help very much and i paniced and just barely made it through okay. and he kept yelling. and i got nervous and shaky, and the yelling didn't help, and i was tired and stressed (still having menstrual cycle from hell) and all around not up to being yelled at. more yelling. the rest of the ride home sucked and now i'm sittin up in my room (no shit) and i think i want to go to the library tonight... but with my mom, not him.

yellowcard - cigarette

okay so first, we renamed the fridge. it's still mike. just not mike the alcoholic. now, he's "magical mike!" and he's running out of soda so we'll do a run next chance we get.
we dyed brandon's hair blue!!! it was so cool. first the bleach, it bleached his hair out so much, it shocked us how light his hair was when we were done. it was almost orange, and now i want to find someone to dye his hair orange. anyway, so then we got to the blue stuff, and i got impatient and took off the cap, and the bottle got all slippery and long story short, my bathroom is now partially blue. but it looks cool. and we globbed the stuff on so thick, his hair looked plastic blue. we were all thinking he looked like a smurf... brent confirmed it when he came in, saw brandon, and told him he looked like a smurf. when we washed it out it was more turquiose, blue-green, color, but it still looks amazingly cool and we'll probably dye it darker blue soon.
nick, the little butt nugget, never showed up so i've still got pink hair dye sitting around. i'm almost thinking i'll take it with me to long beach tomorrow, but i really want to get someone around here so i can see more colorful hairstyles in my own town. i know everyone in long beach has pink, black, blue hair and such. so i figure it's up to me to spread the hair rainbow around federal way. ... really, i'm almost dying now to see a guy with orange hair. that'd be so cool!

foo fighters - everlong (acoustic)

it was another one of those days. we woke up at 5, hit the road at 6, with pit stops at safeway, starbucks, and brandon's. reached the hospital around 6:40, dropped laura off to get her stomach-thing done, and went and found my brother. ate breakfast with him, walked around under the hospital in all the creepy narrow hallways, left him to get laura and babysit her until her next appointment. we ended up laying on the couches all along the entrance for a couple hours. i had a book (i'm becoming such a nerd again) and i was feeling like shit. tuey had her headphones. brandon was trying to sleep. so, three teenagers all semi-passed out on a couch not moving or getting up for a couple hours. at one point they left me, i can't remember why i stayed but i was up in the lobby for about an hour before brandon came back up and sat with me. we looked at the clouds and tried to find pictures. then we started talking about how it was kind of freaky, how the hospital seemed more like a really calm airport. i liked it. it was nice to just lay around and sit and watch and talk every now and then.
we left around noon, did a few errands, and laura dropped us off at my house. right now steph and brandon are passed out on my bed (we all got about 2 hours or less sleep last night). we might be dying hair today, might not, it's hard to tell right now. i'm gonna be pissed off if we don't, but that's probably just because i'm currently experiencing one of the most painful, bloody periods i've had in years and i'm feeling bitchy about everything.

autopilot off - friday mourning

so yesterday i got off work early, went out to dinner for my mom's birthday, came home and slept around 8 or 9. i haven't felt good for the past few days. i'm hungry, but if i eat i only feel worse. i always feel on the verge of throwing up, but i never do. it sucks butt, and so i've been surviving off orange juice and diet coke and otter pops. on the plus side, i think i've lost 3 pounds.
anyway, i got today off, and still have friday and saturday. so today, not sure what i'm going to do, probably something with tuey and brandon though. and friday still going to seattle. saturday not going to the battle of the bands, nope, i'm going to long beach! i'm really psyched. my dad's going to drop me off at the bakery in long beach, where elaina works, and i'll either call up some people to come find me or i'll just wander around on the beach (!!!!!) for a couple hours. it'll be nice. i'm excited! these next couple days are going to be wonderful.
i need to go buy film though. and i'm thinking i might just make a walking trip to the mall-ish area and buy some stuff.

audio karate - betrayed

let's see here... i spent all day at the same place at work, which sucked butt. i spent my time learning how to shoot rubber bands and shooting them up onto the roof of the pool hall. and when i ran out of rubber bands i used a spoon to flick ice onto the roof.
after work, on my way home, i ran into julie while she was leaving the mall. not josh's ex. the other one, that moved. it was kinda cool, because i'd always meant to get to know her or something, but then she moved. and now she's back. and it was a nice cheerful conversation, nothing serious, but we don't hate each other, so it works!
i was home for maybe half an hour, during that time i got to shower and eat dinner and call tuey (and i still don't know what time we're going to seattle on friday). and then i went to see liz at her spotlight night! it was really cute, she played cinderella in a short skit and did a great job, acting all wistful and stuff. the dancing was funny too, she was all stiff and self conscious but you could tell she was trying.

coheed and cambria - devil in jersey city

i feel like i've been getting things done. i feel like i'm finally doing something with my day. and it's no fun! sure, i'll have more opportunities now, but it's so boring and tedious.
work wasn't bad today. barely anyone was playing any games, i got pool hall, so i played skee ball while one of the leads, jon, played pool.
after work i went to the bank, then sally's, and bought presents for a few certain friends of mine. took a while for the lady to find me what i wanted, but i'm satisfied with the results. after that, sat out in the rain and drank a barq's while my mom headed over to pick me up.
got my ap books in the meantime, and the history ones suck ass, haven't started the english one yet. i can tell there are going to be a lot of boring hours on the couch in my not-so-distant future.
i make big plans. rarely ever do they come to fruition. but i try, and it's nice to imagine that these things could really happen. all i need is a car, really, and i'd be an indestructible force that won't take no for an answer. unfortunately i still have to bum rides from people, so the demands won't start full-time until i get my license.

pearl jam - better man
goo goo dolls - acoustic #3

both times in those songs, when it talks about the wife/mother. i get depressed listening to it. i have this horrible, sinking feeling that i'm going to end up like that. "and your mother loves your father 'cause she's got nowhere else to go." "she lies and says she's in love with him, can't find a better man." i would probably feel better if i stopped talking to the people who are "in love" with me. but then i'd feel completely unloved. unlovable. so which feeling is worse? worthless or not good enough?
on the same note, i find myself wishing i was asleep more. dreaming. my dreams the past few nights have been beautiful, happy dreams where i finally have what i want. where i'm worth someone's time. where i don't have to try to make people talk to me.

unsung zeros - pictures

first of all, the song above is sung by one of those high-pitched voice annoying guys. but i still like it. so i guess i just like ear torture or something. but unsung zeros have a lot of really good songs.
anyway, today at work... i won't go into the whole thing, but the lightning and the thunder and the rain were all very beautiful. i sat there and just smiled while the rain fell. i was happy. and at those times people kept asking me if something was wrong. oh well.
it's strange how, when i know i should do something, that i'd be happier and better off if i did it, i purposely go out and do something else.
speaking of that, i noticed today that i've stopped (or at least slowed down) trying to find ways to get myself in trouble. it started while i was walking home today and a saw a really creepy guy, and almost wished i had mace with me. and i thought about how once, when i was talking to scott, he mentioned how he wanted to buy me mace. so i would have some kind of protection when i'm out doing dumb shit. and i realized that since then, i haven't really had an urge to go out and do dumb shit. i've stopped sneaking out of the house. i don't look for friends that will get me in trouble. sure. acting stupid and reckless will always be fun. but when it starts getting out of hand, i'm the one who notices and says 'okay, stop'.
i may be almost who i've always wanted to be. but i've given a lot of things up on the way there. i don't think very well anymore. i'm half-deaf it seems, and i have a hard time understanding what people are trying to say to me. one really happy thought i had today, i was looking through my closet and i was like, hey, i like all these sweatshirts i have! i might actually have enough clothes this year! i think my deafness has to do with the music i listen to. i listen more to the drums and the guitar and the way the words are sung, rather than the actual words. so i hear that someone's talking to me, i just don't bother registering what they said.