offspring - the kids aren't alright

2 hours later, and my feet are still throbbing. wild waves was never as miserable as this.
i've got a lot of stuff that i still need to do today, tomorrow. but somehow i can't find the energy to do it. rearrange my walls? pshaw! but actually, you know, now that i'm thinking about it, i think i might actually do it. i just hope it will work.

desaparecidos - survival of the fittest

wow. the past few days have been insanely full of.. everything. lots has happened. today's story is just the cherry on top.
i woke up in the green recliner, uncomfortable and fully-rested. chris was passed out on the couch and i couldn't remember what time i fell asleep. it was a good start! the whole morning was slow, everyone just kind of wandered around and picked at things. tuey, brandon, and luke all left at noon, chris and i cleaned up the place and chris took the box of empty bottles to throw into the woods. i actually went for a run, surprise surprise! took a shower, got dressed and all that jazz. i don't know what time i left the house, but i had a few things to take care of, so i drove off. returned pat's cell, returned library books, mall, the usual stuff.
now, here's where i'm at the story part. i already called tuey and told her all this, since it was just an unusual event. as i was walking toward suncoast, one of the people at those kiosk things pulled me over to show me some herbal neck pillow. it was weird. and you know how they talk people into buying things by sucking up, right? well i figured that's what the guy was doing when he started asking me my name, where i work and all that. i got away after a while by promising that i'd keep the pillows in mind when i had more money. went to suncoast and bought my movies, then headed out. and the guy from the kiosk chased me down! seriously, on the curb outside the mall, he was yelling at me to stop and when he came up to me he said something like "have you ever just seen someone and felt a kind of jolt go through your body?" i don't remember exactly everything he said, but it was cheesy stuff like "i saw you walking by and i don't know, it's never really happened before, i just had to talk to you." i didn't know whether to take this guy seriously or not, but i figured he was just trying to pick up some chick, right? so i asked him how old he was (24) and told him i was 16. but that didn't scare him off! he just started saying how i look older than that and that he'd at least like to get to know me. he kept saying that i should come back sometime and talk to him and maybe we could go out for lunch.
anyway, i still don't know whether he was serious or not. and while i have no interest in the guy at all (blah), i'm still all tingly. it's not every day that someone abandons their job to chase you down and tell you something like that. someone saw me and was struck dumb? amazing. i feel special, like maybe, after all, there is something unique about me that makes me worth knowing. i'm reading that again and it sounds weird to me. but see, a lot of people that i know, it's because i saw them and i was like "hey, that person looks cool." for some reason or another, something about them stood out. and it's weird to think that maybe i stand out, too.
anyway, i've been sitting around since i got home (ran into evan at qfc, it was cool to talk to him again). sarah's bored out of her mind so i'm going to go pick her up and watch girl, interrupted. maybe i'll write more about the past couple days later, maybe not.

goo goo dolls - broadway

steph's here. the week has started!

everclear - when it all goes wrong again

i don't want to be here. i don't want to be in this house.
no, i take that back.
i don't want him to be here. i don't want my house to be like this.
i'd forgotten how bad it is when scott's around my parents. i love scott, really i do, and i don't want to criticize him because i know how personally he takes it, and i also knows he reads this and will probably get mad at me no matter what i say about him that's not a glowing report.
but i really, really wish he didn't have to move back in with us.
i know it's a lot to ask, though. you can't just want problems to go away, and poof! all better. it takes time, and effort, and sometimes even that's not enough. no doubt, it will always be like this.
but i'd gotten used to living in semi-peace with my parents. i like being able to come home and have it be quiet, the only noise coming from my stereo. no shouting, no yelling, no arguing... okay, occasionally there is, but i can't think of any especially bad fights between my parents when the brothers haven't been around. and there was that one episode with my dad, but for the most part, we can avoid each other pretty well.
coming outside of my room for that one moment scared me. i don't like hearing my parents arguing with scott. i hate yelling. i hate confrontation. the sound of them arguing, being so stubborn in their own opinion that neither person is willing to back down... and the worst part is, it's mostly one-sided. my parents have been extremely reasonable. maybe they aren't very diplomatic, but you'd think scott could make the effort to understand them, right? understand them, learn how to deal with them? accept them for the way they are, and just live with it? but i guess he can't. i don't want to be the dutiful suck-up daughter, and i'm pretty sure i'm not. but i don't want to be so stubborn that i resent them every time i'm near them. my parents are good people, they love all of us and they do the best they can, but there always have to be some limits. i mean, you can't expect someone to turn out right without any discipline, boundaries and expectations.
there they go again. i can hear it over the music now.
it's back to the olden days, kids. me, hiding in my room with the music turned up so i don't have to listen to the yelling. this always happens, at some point, when scott's around... i don't like it, but what can i do? scott doesn't listen. it's his choice, and any attempts to get him to change his mind, he only takes as an attack.
i'd leave, but i have to do homework tonight. and where would i go?

everclear - normal like you

i crave my old everclear cd's. really, i do. i want to go out and buy them right now, but i need to save my money for the next few days.
today, ahhh today. such a sweet, wonderful day. nothing excessively exciting, or meaningful. it was just nice to be out and about. drove jon to buy his pc stuff, while tobias slept in the backseat of my car. met liz, donovan, rai, fran at starbucks, where we drank our coffee and ate the cookies donovan brought us. down at the supermall nothing great happened, we just looked around and such. the best part? i think was when rai drove us down to kent to pick up her boyfriend. i like driving on freeways in the rain... it's relaxing.
anyway, i've got to focus on homework for the rest of the night, so i'll do that.

pulley - hooray for me

i'm sorry for the third blog in one day, but i've just realized i didn't say anything about yesterday. i could kick myself - yesterday was amazing! i felt so stupid, i'd forgotten about ryan's invitation, and when he called and woke me up at noon yesterday, i couldn't figure out why. and then he reminded me. the wizard of oz! he had an extra ticket, and so i hopped out of bed right-quick and dashed about to get ready. his dad picked me up, and the whole ride up to seattle involved brenda teaching ryan sign language, and me and ryan's dad insulting him as much as we could.
as for the play, it wasn't bad. not as good, of course, as when i saw chicago... but i can't have perfection all the time, y'know? heh. no, it was seriously good, i enjoyed it and i really, really crave one of the nifty green outfits the ensemble was wearing, and what was the other one brenda pointed out? i can't quite remember... but the green things, they were like flappers straight out of the roaring 20's, green and black and sequined, and everyone was wearing these round black sunglasses. it was glorious.

the neighbors' cars always make a lot of noise

i was laying on my bed just now, reminiscing. looking up at the pictures i've got over my bed. first the one of steph and brandon, the day we dyed brandon's hair. and then the one of william and michael building a sandcastle. and.. i dunno, i was just overcome with this huge burst of extreme joy. life is good. my friends are amazing beyond words. i love the people in my life, i love the direction my life is headed. everything from this point is just going to get better. i'm happy. even now, i'm looking at all the pictures behind my computer. elaina, me, all our friends from long beach. evan and aaron and josh and derek, from back in the good ol' days of illahee. tuey, being a complete nerd with her junior mints and water. jessika, prancing around in my prom dress. (i've got this huge urge to see matt again. i miss him. i miss him and william and michael and tysson and scott, and while i know i can't see all of them, i'm dying for christmas, when i can at least see a few.) oh lovely, really. everything's absolutely amazing.
and the best part is, it's back! that overwhelming sense of joy and excitement that i had over the summer. it's back! i don't know how i lost it, and i don't know how i got it back, but just now, it's back and i feel like i'll never let it go again.

pop pop, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is

the whole day is now looking way better. i was having a great dream about a hardware store, shopping with some friends and running into other people. then after church i ran into grant and got to talk to him, finally! ahh, the simple pleasures in life.