briggs - far away

another town, another place. nothing looks familiar but it all looks the same.
today, i saw jon!
now, before that, i went shopping for some business-y clothes for state. and i got two really cool books, but that's not important.
when i got home i went to jon's house and we walked alll over, just like we used to! and i had a wonderful time. jon is one of those people that even if i lose him over the years, i'll always consider him part of my family. not the regular family you're born with, but the one you build for yourself over the years. he's one of my favorites, and spending the day with him today made this whole week absolutely wonderful.
and we'll be going to see the briggs next friday! jon understands my briggs obsession, so him of all people i'm really excited to have going to the concert with me. tuey and brandon are converts - cole's someone i haven't seen in forever that i'm jumping at the chance to see again. but jon? jon will be my concert buddy.
for the rest of tonight, however, i get to wash clothes and pack for tomorrow. yippee.

briggs - devil's playground

blah blah blah... that's all i heard all afternoon... work was really boring.
but! school was actually not bad at all. instead of going to class, i went on a field trip to osc! most of the tour was pretty bad, the group we were with was... stupid. but the culinary arts program sounds fantastic (i'm probably going to take it), and we got out of class! so. yeah. got back to school pretty early and tuey and i were hungry so we went to taco time, and my wrap tasted really, really good except for all the hamster cabbage. and then i fell asleep during history and got a big red mark on my forehead from where my face was jammed into the desk. and when i tried filling up my car at the arco station, i accidently put premium in instead of regular, realized what i did and filled the rest up with regular, and then it stopped but the new fangled machine thingy said it was still filling so i figured it might be like the circle k one and accidently topped it off like they always tell you not to. so i felt pretty stupid.

briggs - a song to sing

life is so very, very good right now. you see, last night while i was looking for more briggs music, i stumbled across their tour dates... and they're touring! in fact, they'll be here next friday, when we have no school all that day.
so. right after school today i ran to fred meyer and got my tickets. because no way in hell am i missing this! i'll be going with tuey, brandon, and jon. and i called up cole right before work and he got a ticket too! so this is going to be absolutely wonderful!! i'm so excited for this - i'm going to get a bunch of money so i can buy tshirts and the briggs cd - i'm finally going to have my briggs cd! finally! you have no idea... i am so happy and excited right now i can barely come up with the words for it... the best i can do is grin like that damned cheshire cat we all love so much.
other than that i got a lecture from john about drugs at work. and you know what the funny part is? he wasn't lecturing against them. just using them wisely.
well i carry the torch to see what fortune it brings
a journey to the gates of hell with the anthems we sing
it's not a game it's a fight, a fight to the death
but i'm not gonna give up until my final breath

briggs - filtered

back in the day, over a year ago, i used to take coricidin. i never took too many at a time, but it was still very effective. you'd have this feeling of disorientation and disconnection, and when you walked it was like ice skating. anyway, it was really stupid, and i only did it a couple times before i realized what i was doing and stopped. so the whole point of this is that this morning i thought i was coming down with a cold. i took some dayquil before school and then again at lunch, and for some reason it kicked in really hard during the last half hour or so of history for me. when school was over i was walking along with liz in the hallways, and it was a complete flashback to the coricidin. the whole ice skating feeling, and the disorientation. my eyes were even unfocused - i was trying to read something on liz's chapstick and couldn't make out any of the words. it went away pretty fast, but it was kind of cool.
after the whole review thing for history, liz and i went tanning. i now have a little pink on my cheeks, but i don't feel any tanner. i want summer! now!
there are little pink flowers blooming in the bushes by our front door. if i remember, i'm going to pick one before school tomorrow.
so, all day i've been rewriting my math notes (because my notebook is falling apart) and i haven't done any of the important work. i am awesome!
however, i'm sad now. jon was talking about some link between what lindsey calls him, what he calls tuey, and how tuey calls brandon. and i just thought, you know, i have no nicknames and no one ever calls me on the phone... and it made me really, really sad. but i'm also listening to some old songs that have been on my computer forever, and they are making me feel better. briggs and desaparecidos. good stuff.

hot water music - trusty chords

i got into a conversation with an old lady at the checkout line today. it was totally meaningless, random stuff. she thought i was shopping for my kids, and then we talked about girl scout cookies. don't ask me why this is significant, i just thought it was pretty cool.
irene: "at least you don't have princess syndrome. i can tell you've got brothers." this she said to me while we were hauling around giant, rolled-up carpets from one side of the pool to the other. it was hard, but fun. stuff like that is fun.
i drove around today with the windows rolled down, the music blasting, and the sun shining. can you tell, i'm dying for the warmer weather to get here??

mighty mighty bosstones - numbered days

my room smells like summer!! no no no, seriously! i've left my window open for the last week, it's been completely aired out and refilled with this wonderful, wonderful clean fresh air. every time i walk in it's slightly chilly, and there's just this smell. my room was filled with it last summer. i woke up to it, i came home from work to it, i fell asleep to it. some of the best days were spent in my room, smelling summer through the window. all i need to do now is clean my room, and it'll be just like summer again. weird, isn't it? all during school i clean my room maybe once a month, do laundry about once every two weeks. during summer it's spotless, my clothes are always clean. i love summer. i cannot wait for the days to fade at 9 o'clock and the sun to rise at 5-6 am and for the days to get miserably hot. and best of all! road trips, weeks at a time at someone else's house, endless driving and shit knows what else.
i got a bank book today! so i can finally know for sure how much money i have at all times.

cure - high

i've been physically and emotionally stressed all week, tired and just plain.. unpredictable. it's like pms without the cramps or the impending bleeding.
i woke up around 10 this morning and did the 4 mile run i was supposed to do yesterday, and i feel better about my commitment. and guess what! the old running man that lives near brandon was in his truck at an intersection - he honked at me! i felt so cool after that - the running man was giving me encouragement! i feel like i've now been accepted into some secret running society, even though i'm just a small-time wanna-be. but it was still cool.
on friday, there was this huge ordeal with my mom and i. i admit, i did mess up. but i fail to see why her rules are so important. my mom.. is from a different generation, obviously. her values are far different than mine. where my life revolves around living and enjoying, trusting and loving, her's is based on... well, respect and manners and, what, propriety i guess? the idea of sitting out on a roof with a friend at 3 am trying to find falling stars while talking about what we want to do with our lives sends chills down my spine. the thought of someone walking in the front door without knocking first sends chills down her's - the kind of chills that come when someone's breaking into your house and killing your children in their beds. so, basically, we have very different viewpoints on what's important and how to deal with problems in life. where i wanted to get out of the house and find comfort in the people i know and care about, she insisted that i was "too emotional" and the best thing to do would be to stay in the house, surrounded by reminders of exactly why i was upset. yeah. believe me, it didn't help at all. however, my savior, ryan, talked to me for several hours and we got into some very deep discussions, and ultimately it was him who made me feel better.
then all day yesterday was spent trying to explain to my parents what i've been going through, without any success. i've started reading mere christianity (again), but hopefully this time i'll finish it. i got out of going to church with them tonight, but while i was talking to my dad about it last night, he took my hand and prayed for me.. and you know, it's times like then that i really hate my life. i hated who i've become, i hated what i'm doing to myself. and promptly, as soon as i woke up today, i've been sucked back into the usual world, and that feeling of remorse and repentance from last night is like a distant memory, something i can recall feeling at one time but can't get myself to feel anymore.
so today, around noon, i agreed to babysit for michelle, which was very cool. at 4 i went over there and watched stuart little 2 with the kids, we wrestled and played with 30 year old authentic toy soldiers and plastic animals, and isaac is the most lovable kid in the world! he kept walking up to me and sticking up his pudgy little arms so i could pick him up and he'd give me a huge hug. and he sat eating his chicken with the biggest little kid grin on his face.
my piercings haven't gotten infected, but somehow they've gotten cut or irritated, and the top ones are all swollen up while the bottom ones are scabbed over. yippee.
however, brent might be coming home next weekend?! my mom just came in and mentioned that briefly while she was giving me the sales pitch for the sunday night sermons at the church. brent might be coming home! i hope so. i miss him so much.
i was thinking while i was running, about something brenda said to me yesterday. that i can't really blame my parents too much for not noticing how unhappy i am sometimes - apparently i do a really good job of faking it. she said that i always look happy - that until we started talking, she'd honestly thought i was. which is a good thing, right? i mean, that's what i want. i want to look happy. i don't want people constantly asking me what's wrong, since i can't seem to come up with any specific answer. but looking happy still isn't enough - i want to feel it, too.
so, around noon, tuey came over to clean my house. i was watching the history channel when she came in, which made me feel like a complete nerd, but oh well. it was interesting. it made me want to watch mash. i felt exhausted soon after she got there, and fell asleep for about 3 hours. i hope it wasn't too awkward for her to be cleaning my house with my family running around. i was dead to the world.
i need to go clean my piercings now, though.