reach the sky - this sadness alone

as if i didn't have proof before, now i know i'm stressed. i called my parents to pick me up at 8:30, and no one answered. my brother was supposed to be waiting for me at the shuttle, so i got worried and left a message and went outside to wait. and within a couple minutes i was on the verge of tears. i didn't cry, thank god, but i was paniced and scared and tired and angry and, well, not in a very cheerful mood. so my mom got me 20 minutes later and... i guess i still don't feel very good, but oh well.
other than that, we got new couches in our living room today and i'm in love with them. i think i've finally found my spot to read.

hot water music - remedy

it's been crossing my mind a lot, but i haven't really thought about it in full. brian will be back for a week or two, late august. now... brian's great. he's one of the original guys from the neighborhood. i actually liked him more than any of the others, but then he moved. i don't know what it's going to be like when he's back here. supposedly it'll be great, i mean i'll finally have my crazy guy to run around and do shit with at 3 am. but then other times i think about it negatively. i like the way i've got things settled down, at least in theory. and brian coming back might influence me to start acting like i did back in january-march, when i thought i liked what i was doing but really hated myself.
but whatever happens, i'll be glad to have the aussie boy back.

offspring - the kids aren't alright

i spent the whole day with jon. it was beautiful. we met at the mall and the second i saw him it was impossible to keep the grin from plastering itsself on my face. and that's how i went for the rest of the day. we walked around and didn't really do much of anything. i was talking about long beach and, obviously, we ended up at redondo. we sat on a log and talked forever, just watching the waves and getting more and more thirsty. went to nick's for water. called tuey from his house 'cause she was supposed to meet us down there but she went to brandon's instead. we got her to drive us to wendy's and got some food, came back to my house to eat it. it was good. went to jon's and played tetris for an hour or so. came home. voila.
oh, wait, no it wasn't the whole day! crap completely forgot about this morning. i was supposed to babysit this morning at 6:30. set my alarm for 5. my mom woke me up at 6:30... lightning-fast adrenaline reaction, running around grabbing stuff and shoving it in a bag, then took of racing down the street in my pj's and slippers, hair still bed-messy, face still covered in that oxy stuff and the mascara i forgot to wash off. so i babysat for hadyn and allyson, the two most adorable, wonderful kids i have ever met. yes, that's right, even better than jj and isaac, 'cause they're older and allyson's easier to work with than jj. plus she's got that little girly cuteness that makes her irresistable. umm... well it was a good day, i mean i had a lot of fun with the kids, but i really don't feel like going into details. but i made a shitload of money! it's gorgeous! i put the 50 dollar bill away 'cause i don't trust myself to carry a whole lot of money around.
oh and tuey.. she was the funniest i've seen her today in a looong time. nothing on purpose you know. she just had really bad road rage and was screaming about everything, like the door-to-door mormons and some nice lady who let us get through the intersection and the big truck in front of her that made her run a red light. jon and i were talking about it, the way she tweaks out and chews on her hands and makes noises... it's almost like tobias, only, well tuey's tuey and she's a lot louder and crazier and i guess i can't really compare her to tobias. but jon says they're alike.
so yes, i enjoyed myself immensely today, way more than i ever thought i would, and now i'm dead tired. but i probably won't sleep for a while 'cause tuey's aim is finally working again and i can talk to her over the internet! hurrah!

allister - fraggle rock

huh. lots to write about tonight. first of all, didn't go to wild waves with the boys but they picked me up and we went to seatac and southcenter instead. later liz came over and we watched center stage.
now, on to what i've been thinking about for a while now. before you read the rest of what i'm going to write, i'm going to come right out with it and tell you what i think. i love, adore, admire, and worship william. i'd be completely head-over-heels in love with him, except common sense says it's not possible. which i don't mind, because it works out more as, he's a standard that every other guy i meet will be measured up against.
so here's where i tell you why i love william. and let me tell you, there are a lot of things. first of all, to sound completely superficial, i'll describe how he looks. tall-ish, and not another one of those skinny ass punk kids that i know in bulk. but he's not fat either. just not all muscle-y, not really built in any kind of way at all. but it looks good. like, erin the new yorker would love him (if you know what kind of guys she likes, then you know). when i met him, his hair was shag-style. now he's cut it short, bleached it, and dyed it pink. it's beautiful. he's got the most gorgeous blue eyes you'll ever see in your life.
this is the 'style' section. william's not punk. he's not a skater. i'm not exactly sure what he is, but i love it. it's unique. for example, his wallet is a plastic pink hello kitty little girl's wallet. his backpack is a light pink powder puff girls backpack. today at hot topic he bought a nintendo duck hunt shirt and (my choice) a shirt with buddha on it that says 'for good luck, rub my tummy'. he's the first person i ever saw wear a teenaged mutant ninja turtles shirt. and, when we were at seatac today and he was trying to convince me to try on lingerie, the agreement was, i'll model whatever he models first. and if everyone hadn't been tired and bitchy and wanting to leave, he honestly would've done it.
personality. he's "cultured" (as he and gene put it, since they like foreign foods). he's friendly, outgoing, fun and funny. at kite festival last year, he and i ran around during the fireworks with glowsticks on our heads and skipped and sang songs. he's affectionate, something i love and rarely experience. (sorry for being girly, but it's been a while since anything like this has happened, so you get the details.) today.. god today was beautiful. before we sat down at the mongolian grill he hugged me, but for like 3 minutes. not saying anything, just holding me. while we were sitting down he came up behind me and just rested his hand on my arm and started talking. at southcenter he took my hand and held it, not in an intimate way or anything, just looking at it and covering it with his hands and, well, it was cute. and later he kissed me on my forehead while we were waiting for the other guys to buy their stuff. he would lean over and be right up against my ear, pause for a second, then say something completely normal or nothing at all. and last, (i promise) he'd come up and rest his hand on my stomach and just hold me for a couple seconds. anyway, back when i used to talk to him a lot, i know he's not completely outgoing and confidant as he comes across. he actually gets stressed out pretty bad. but you wouldn't guess it. i guess he's not religious anymore, or never was, which is a little sad but that doesn't change my opinion of him at all. he'll try anything. i love that.
so, enough obsessing over william. i saw michael again!! my kimbrough! he 'n i were "fighting" the whole time. he'd poke me and i'd swat at him. hah, it was pretty funny, right first off he kept pointing his finger at me and the first time i swatted it away, he did it again and i bit him. i caught him completely off guard and he was laughing about it for about 5 minutes after. he bought me glue bubbles! and i scratched the back of his head for him. as for james, i dunno, i think he was really tired or something. but then again, he doesn't usually seem very happy. it was still good to see him again, though.
someone left their swimsuit in my bathroom. there's a hello kitty keychain in the pocket so you'd think they're william's, but i'm pretty sure they're that other guy's... don't remember his name... anyway, when i get my license and drive down there, i'll take them with me and give them back.
and you know what i just realized. william's a lot like sam. there are a lot of differences, sure, but a lot of similarities, too. i think that's what attracted me to sam so much.

autopilot off - exit signs

today was absolutely beautiful... i had to wake up early to talk to my mom, but that wasn't too bad, it was a nice conversation. they didn't need me at zumiez and when i called william he was on a bathroom hunt in tacoma - they'll be at wild waves tomorrow. so i called steph and we decided to do something. so i watched o brother, where art thou? while she drove her sisters around and took a shower and such. and then we drove off! and it was joyously fun. she left me in hell (walmart) while she bought coke and i searched for a mini fridge. then i scared her in the parking lot and we ran into brandon wallach at best buy, where i ended up buying my mini-fridge and riding around in the carts. at the mall, we played around in victoria's secret and i bought more clothes at zumiez. then off to fred meyer! where we bought soda and otter pops. back at home we set up the fridge and tuey got a shelf for herself (already stocked with coke, she says she's going to bring cheese over next time). we named the fridge mike, 'cause it's a cool name. that's a new thing i've started... naming my appliances. the computer's brittany. still thinking up stuff for the stereo and the chair and the tv. anyway, it was just an all around good day full of wonderful fun and goodness. tuey and i spoke while we were driving (no shit!) and we were talking about how when we were little, we didn't look up to the trouble makers, or the cheerleaders, or the sports nuts. we wanted to be just like the kids who had a couch in their garage and just sat around all day and made their own fun, messing around on skateboards in the driveway and playing video games and eating at restruants for no reason. and now that's what we do, and we're happy, and we wouldn't want it any other way.
oh and, i now have earrings coming out the ass.

name taken - someone

well, that sure helped! i had a lot of frustration to vent, so i grabbed the headphones and the dog and decided to myself that i would walk to the beach and sit and play with the dog and watch the waves and relax. just as i was getting out of my neighborhood i ran into liz, so i had her come with me. and we did just that. we walked to redondo and let peabody run loose, and he had a hell of a time running around all crazy-like. i mean, it was like he was young again! running around splashing in the waves, running back and forth under the boardwalk, trying to drink the salt water... it was so cute. and even later when we were actually on the boardwalk, he would run back and forth and because he's all old and clumsy, every so often his back legs would fall through the cracks and his butt would drop. it was the funniest thing ever! and then he'd get back up and keep running. and the sunset... you should've seen it. there were some gaps in the clouds, one where we could actually see half the sun as it dropped (so the half we could see kept changing). and then there was a gap a little further up with all the pink and orange hues. and then there was that trail you see in movies, with the line of light on the water, only it was pink. so after all that exhausting fun, we got lazy and didn't want to walk back so we borrowed nick's phone and my dad picked us up. he took me to fred meyer after we dropped off liz and this cool lady gave me a coupon for diet coke, 4 12-packs for $10. and we bought an assload of diet soda, enough to last us at least a week, and i convinced my dad to buy oh brother, where art thou? too... the cool lady was like, "you are such a dad." and then i got to drive the van home! so all in all i'm feeling much better.

finch - once upon my nightstand (acoustic)

to make my day worse, i lost what i just posted. i've had a shitty day for absolutely no reason. sure, i got off late and missed the shuttle then missed the bus and got home 2 hours later, but still, it's no reason for me to be on the verge of tears. i think i know why, though. all the stress i've been ignoring for the past couple weeks has just added up and now i have to deal with it. so i'm wrapped in my baby blanket, listening to calming music, and letting myself feel like shit.
i watched another part of the home movies today. my dad is video taping me dancing in the middle of the kitchen. i fall flat on my ass and start crying - brent helps me up by yanking on my arm and pulling me to my feet.

the briggs - a song to sing

today i learned a new fact! male marsupials have a forked penis, and female marsupials have two vaginas. ta-da!

allister - boysenberry

i didn't really have the time or patience to write about this last night. i don't now, either, but i'm going to try anyway.
yesterday before work my dad was going through a bunch of old family movies. he's going to put them onto disks so they won't die or something. anyway i took one upstairs and was watching it for about an hour. and it's really interesting to see how my family used to be, considering i don't remember much from that time. the videos were from when i was about 4. scott was 9, brent was 6. and it was insane. in one, my brothers and i are making the weirdest faces at the camera possible. then scott runs upstairs to get a nerf gun, brent tries killing me with a plastic sword, and i'm just spinning in circles in the middle of the floor completely oblivious. in another, my brothers are bugging my mom about having some gum, so scott goes off to find some. he climbs on top of the fridge (i'm standing on the desk next to him) and brent's wandering around kind of dazed talking about laundry. scott finds candy from two years ago and is like, "it's well preserved!". oh, and in both of these, the zelda theme song is playing constantly because my mom loved zelda (still does) and was just ignoring us while she played the game. it's absolutely hilarious if you actually watch it. it's like... huh... so that's what it was like. my poor parents. oh, and in another, we're all at the pool for swimming lessons. the camera follows brent as he climbs out of the pool, gets his towel and goggles, starts walking back, falls flat on his face, gets back up and keeps walking.

metallica - enter sandman

today i bought bubbles and a new sweatshirt. i feel like i was run over by a truck and am pissed that i have to work tomorrow.

cold - the day seattle died

so ummm... yes i realize i missed yesterday... the reason is 'cause i went over to tuey's for a while and just ended up spending the night. and it was good. brandon and luke and tommy all came over, but not at the same time. we watched a bunch of disney movies (at my demand) and then later we watched braveheart. which is a really good movie, holy crap! i love it! (yeah... i've never seen it before...)
so anyway, it was like back in the old days when tuey and i would have week-long sleep-overs at someone's house. you know, we actually talked before we went to sleep. that hasn't happened in so long... mostly my fault, because i went through this stage where all i cared about was meeting new people and i would only go to tuey's if i had nothing better to do. not true anymore, and tuey, i'm sorry i ever went through that stage. because how dumb can i be? steph's the greatest person ever, she's absolutely hilarious and it's impossible to talk to her and not start cracking up about something.
so this morning i thought we were going camping 'cause it was all dark and early and everyone seemed hushed and her mom made us breakfast. but that was at 9. so we weren't really going camping. and now i have to get ready for work at 2.