summer's almost here!
spent the whole morning outside, cleaning up the school. started out getting trash (found a toy car and a lighter), then pulled out a bunch of weeds. got savage with the rake and the hoe. lunch was pretty tame, drank a lot of pepsi tho. we pulled a lot of weeds out from around the rocks the rest of the time.
i had such a good time with tommy and brandon. you have no idea. just sitting in the sun, talking about religion and robin williams and just.. totally random stuff out of nowhere. i love it. i think i got a little tan, which is cool. anyway, it's hard to describe this. i think i feel a little like elaina, or how i've always imagined her life to be. sun and friends, all the time. being outside and not really doing anything, just talking and messing around and watching the time creep by.
i think liz is trying to hook me up with jan. not that i mind, i'm trying to get to know as many people as possible. you never know who could end up being the greatest story of your life. but, well, i wonder if she'll keep trying to meddle after she talked to sam last night. she's like an overprotective mother, which is great and all. i love her for it. i just wonder what she's going to do next.
it's been a beautiful day today! the sun was shining, the sky was clear, the breeze was cool and everything was just perfect. it might stay that way. it might get worse. who knows? but it was beautiful, and it's still looking good.

interesting. dream, that is. it was nice. something about a camp and bunks and swimming and hiking and a bus accident. good clean fun.
as for last night, that was interesting too. fun, yeah, but not quite what i imagined. i came home and almost immediately started humming blink's first date (or whatever it's called). because it fits. i was so excited and it ended up not being nearly half as good as i'd hoped. but i still had fun. how could i not?

so... tonight should be interesting. first date, ever.

this is a cry for help, out to anyone who reads this.
i'm getting sick of the music i have on my computer, so please help me out? i'm looking for upbeat punk music. or ska. punk-ska.
anything, actually. just as long as it's upbeat, and gets the blood flowing and makes you want to move around and scream along with the music.
email me, skababy05@hotmail.com or im me, missinglunchbox.
i need music!!!!

i was just standing in the bathroom, being all narcissistic and all, when i got to thinking about life and situations and such. deep stuff. i was just remembering this one time, this year, i'm not sure how long ago it was. but we were coming home from church and my parents got in a huge argument. i don't even remember what it was about. but it was horrible. they were screaming and yelling and such for hours. i don't think it even calmed down until the next day. anyway, at one point, one of the suggested getting a divorce. brent and i heard it, of course. how could we not? i was scared. i mean, my parents have been married for 25 years! actually, i think more. i told josh about it. i was scared beyond belief. i didn't actually think it would happen, but just the idea that it was possible had me too worried to do anything else. nothing ever came of it. my parents solved their problem. they didn't even have to go to counseling. a lot of things were said that should have been said a long time ago, and i think it was just a relief for everything for them to finally get out in the air. so what does this have to do with life and situations and such? well, i was wondering what it would have been like if they had gotten a divorce. i would have been bitter, no doubt. 25 years of their life, wasted! so many other people's parents are divorced. i think i depend on my parents to stay together. if they don't, i'd lose faith in the concept of ever finding that one true love, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. how horrible would that be? if my parents weren't together, it'd be like suddenly realizing that this will never end - this feeling that no one will ever accept you for who you truly are, that anyone besides your parents could ever love you unconditionally.

i'm tired.
i had a really good day today, though.
not at first, i actually felt horrible up until family psychology. we had this motivational speaker come in and everything, and i know this sounds lame and all, but just having someone smiling and pumped in the same room made me feel better. borrowed another cd from tuey today. i'm surprised she trusts me with them. also borrowed slc punk from her, i watched some of it but i haven't been home much. driver's ed, boring, but erin was back! so at least she kept it entertaining. went to kickboxing, had a blast. i love it! i'm getting better, my kicks are getting more coordinated and i'm starting to get more confidant with my punches. i know this is lame, but i even got a compliment from the instructor today! after the class liz and i sat around the sauna for about an hour, just sweating and dying and talking. on the way home we decided we're going to do laundry at the laundry mat for my birthday. invite some people and make it a party. or not. i'm not very big on parties anymore. i've been energized ever since i got home, bouncing around and just having a blast. but, well, now that i actually have to focus on something, i'm about ready to pass out. so, sparknotes, and then i'm off to bed.

i borrowed tuey's our lady peace cd today. good. i'm happy to hear them again. i miss my old cd. i'm waiting, wondering if ryan's ever going to send me his copy. probably not. i drank the last pepsi one today. it almost tasted like diet coke - i went through the whole 12-pack since saturday. i want to go driving. but my dad's not home. and i'm probably going to fall asleep early tonight. i have so much stuff to do. it's insane. i just can't do it. i'm dwelling on things - brooding. i shouldn't be so bothered by this!!! i shouldn't be taking this out on steph mo !! - although i don't think she's noticed, fortunately. but thinking like this isn't good for me. i get bitter and reclusive and, well... it's just not fun for me. my days are miserable. i need to get out and do something with someone. someone new. that's what i need. i need to meet some new people to take my mind off of the people i know.
i need to go to long beach.
it's sad, though. i don't think it would work as well as it used to.

i should be getting ready for school. i'm tired, though, and i don't really care what i should be doing. i want to go back to sleep. i've done my homework. why can't i go back to sleep??
i like using 'he' and 'she' when i don't want to name the person i'm talking about. the problem is, once you get to more than one 'he', i get confused about which one i'm talking about.
enya is good listening music.

i can't stop procrastinating - i'm addicted!
interesting thing happened today. grant says i'm either in love, or i will be soon. ... what do you say to that? huh? it was strange, unexpected, and it has me a little worried.
i'm supposed to do something with liz and jan and brandon in 5 minutes. all i've done for my research paper is finish the sentence i gave up on last night. 2 pages. out of 6. i am sooo dead.
i really want to get my film developed. i still have a roll from this summer, not to mention the one from the last couple months. i need new pictures!
19 days. slc punk, afi cd, posters, candles, bubbles, any punk cd, strange signs 'n such to put on my walls. homiez, fluffy stuffed animals. cash. band stickers, any stickers. a calendar. aol internet cds, christmas lights, a blacklight. just a few ideas.