silence

might as well put in my daily blog. nothing unusual today, woke up around 2 and sat around all day, reading and lazing about and trying to ignore brent. aw, i love my brother so much, he's the same as always, just like a little kid, only now i can be more honest with him and he's more like, a friend i consider like a brother rather than a brother that's almost a friend. he's been running in and out of my room all day trying to get me to go somewhere with him, but i'm such a lazy butt today that i haven't gone anywhere. so yeah.

dishwasher

what a wonderful thanksgiving. started off dry, kind of ignoring what had to be done. i actually went to bed at 5 am, and i was having this nice dream about a drowned woman, when my mom woke me up. so i read all day, and helped a little bit, and ate food, and then around 8 brandon saved my life. he and terry were dying to get out, so i took my dad's blazer and picked them up, plus tuey, and we went to jason's and it was good clean fun. watched a tv program about hippos, played that weird twisty board game where you have to get the metal ball to follow a track, and enjoyed the smells and it was just nice. very nice. brandon was tweaking out when i drove them home, yelling about every red light i came up on, but it was okay, i just laughed. so yeah.

Mr Hamburglar86: so...what did you do today?
missinglunchbox: ate turkey
missinglunchbox: drank beer
missinglunchbox: it was nice

rise against

so as soon as donovan dropped me off at 3 today, i climbed into bed, completely ready to sleep for an hour or two. i'd just snuggled down and gotten comfortable when the door started rattling, which scared the hell out of me... and then the door opened.
it was brent.
that bastard. i'd forgotten that thanksgiving and relatives would mean he'd be home, too. don't get me wrong, though! i'm overjoyed to see him again. his joy and enthusiasm are impossible not to catch. but i was almost sleeping, and he woke me up.
so we went and saw cat in the hat with brenda, tuey, and her little sisters, and ate at wendy's. movie wasn't so great, chatting with the loved ones was scrumptious.
as soon as school got out at noon, donovan and i went down to supermall, wandered around and looked in shops and such. he got gifts for his cousins, i bought 3 little buddha statues for myself (they are so nifty! you've got to see them!)
when i came home just now, around 6, my mom informed me they'd moved the trundle bed back into my room... just another thing that i've been fighting forever. back to square one. oh, just ignore me, actually. i'm being a spoiled bitch and i have no right to complain at all. i put the mattress under my own (me bed is now 3 ft off the ground) and my dad will be taking the wire frame to the dump in a week or two.
i've just realized i must make haste to the library if i want to get there before it closes. i might write more if i remember more.
ah, but wait. i know it'll take a while to solve out, and i know liz isn't the best source for information. but if brandon really said that to jeff... i'm going to kill him, plain and simple. he'd be a lying bastard and an asshole to boot. i'd also immediately have to find jeff and explain, because that would be just plain low and dirty... if he really said it. i hope he didn't. i like brandon and i don't want to be mad at him.

rise against, burnt copy from the cool receptionist

of course, as soon as one thing changes, everything else does, too. i don't feel guilty, i feel happy, like some giant weight's been taken off my chest, and i don't smile because i have to anymore, i smile because i want to. and because of this, because i don't feel saddened or anything, i feel guilty, or at least like i should be guilty. that's always been a problem of mine... i can't stand causing another person pain, and it kills me to know what's happening. the worst part is that it's my fault, and there's nothing i can do to fix it.
anyway, we dissected hubert the rat today. at least, we got started skinning him and such. drained his juices. i've decided i'm going to try my damndest to get out of marketing second semester, though hopefully i can still keep third lunch... yeah, that'd be nice. work was easy easy easy, but unfortunately, it won't always be that way. they're going to work me dead the first two weeks of december, seriously. look at this schedule! saturday 7-3, sunday 8-5, monday 3-6, tuesday 3-6, thursday 3-6. what do they think i am, superwoman? or maybe that i love my job and enjoy every minute spent cleaning a stupid pool? ugh. must quit.
anyway, i've found out some interesting news today. scott's moving back in. i'm... well, i'm not too sure how to react. my freedom, which i have so much enjoyed and loved and cherished these days... my independance, that feeling like i'm in complete control... it's gone now. or at least it will be soon. i mean i'm empathetic toward scott, i want the best for him, i just wish... well, like jeff, i wish everyone could be happy, i could get what i want, and what the other person wants wouldn't conflict with that.

wallflowers - one headlight

today's been... eventful. tomorrow, and the days after, i'll see just how this is going to work out... hopefully i won't screw anything else up, though.
i came home and read a book today. around 3:00, liz called, and we decided we'd run off as soon as i finished the book. 4:30 i called her back, 5 we took off to starbucks at dashpoint. we sat in the cushy chairs, far away from the coffee guy with various piercings that had given us a weird look once he heard our opera-rendition of my account to my parents of where i'd be that night. (wellll i was feeling kinda down so i went to the supermall and looked around, but there was nothing there so i wandered alone for a while, and got some coffee....) but yeah. we saw this guy in a tool sweatshirt walk into starbucks, use the bathroom, and leave again to go back to the laundromat. we applauded him, glad to see someone else using places like starbucks (or peking wok) for only their restrooms. after we drank our coffee, and i fielded calls from my mom and tuey, we went to the laundromat to try to find the guy and tell him what we were saying earlier, but he wasn't there. so we looked at the lizard instead.
anyway, we went to tuey's and hung out in her basement for a good while. i kind of made my way through all the notes i wrote to tuey that she saved from last year, and we all reminisced about the good old days of may 7th (that specific, seriously) up through the last days of summer. liz, how she was responsible for both tuey and i meeting brandon and jeff. (untrue about brandon, i knew him before, i introduced him to tuey, the fact that we were only there to support liz means nothing!). tuey reenacted brandon's account of that night ("did anyone else notice?!"), and we laughed about the notes brandon took about the play. basically, we sat and basked in the glow of the olden-days, wondering where they went and just how the hell did we know that they were going to be so meaningful?
around 6:45, liz and i went to fred meyer's. she got fake nails, i got nail polish, and my version of my parents' credit card payed for a herkin' box of laundry detergent. on our way back home around 7, as we were turning away from saghalie, we decided we really liked the jeep in front of us. it had all kinds of crazy stickers on it. we decided to follow the jeep, and we ended up in an apartment complex. we circled the block, circled again and liz rolled down the window and yelled at him, asking for his number. as he got closer, we both realized that he was pretty horrifically ugly, so it was hilariously funny as we exchanged phone numbers with him and chatted amiably. (no worries, i switched a few of my 'digits' around.) and we drove off into the night. really, truly, it was an uplifting night. i enjoyed it immensely, liz and i are back to the same old grounds we've always been on.
really, i love our friendship! it's completely unique. we hate and despise each other, always insulting and making fun of each other. we fight constantly, and will go weeks on end without talking to each other. but the moment we're back in speaking terms, we laugh insanely, because neither of us was really mad, we were just shittin around. and so... yeah.. as much as i hate that girl, as much as she hates me, i have a feeling we'll be friends for a long, long time.
of course, she's not as wonderful as tuey, who i don't think i've ever actually fought with, and if i have, i forgot. but liz is unique, she adds insanity and instability, where steph is just nuts and psycho, and always there to lighten things up.
really, despite how it started and the direction it seemed to be headed, today was really good. actually, i almost feel guilty for having this much fun, but... life is to be enjoyed, you know? i can't let guilt ruin a day like this. i just won't gloat about it, that's all.

five iron frenzy - get your riot gear

there have always been things about this blog that i don't like. see, if this were just read completely by people i've never met, it would be perfect. i could speak my mind openly and honestly, say whatever i want about whoever i want, and never have to worry about possibly offending someone i care about. unfortunately, though, the only people that i know read this, are people who i see regularly. sucks for me, huh?
anyway, i went to the library today in hopes that i might get some of my research paper done. no such luck, so it looks like tonight will be another late sunday night of cramming in homework.
on my way home from the library, though, i was overcome with an urge to talk to my mom about a certain problem i've been trying to deal with lately. i talked to cole about this last night, but he was high at the time and i can't completely trust what he said. maybe that is what he believes, truly, but when you're in complete control of your thoughts and actions, you can't always act on your opinions and intentions.
so i sped home and talked to my mom. and she helped me make a decision, as well as pointed out something that i've suspected for a while, but never wanted to admit. (see? don't you hate these vague details? i blame all you readers out there.)
don't worry though, you'll probably find out the first part soon enough. and i'm not talking about the second, i'm too ashamed of it. it'll be my dirty little secret until, hopefully, it shrivels up and dies from neglect.

five iron frenzy - dandelions

i'm in a wonderful mood. as you can see, i missed the deadline by a shot. 5 minutes after i woke up, ryan wanted to know what the deal was for today. needless to say, i had no idea. a couple hours later, after i had showered and changed my sheets and started laundry, vacuumed, and all that, tuey showed up, followed shortly by ryan. brandon came around 4, and we all sat around talking and eating and listening to music for a long while. hello, flashbacks to summer! as well as junior high. ryan even reminded me of five iron frenzy, the christian ska band i oh-so loved back in 7th and 8th grade, and consequentially got him addicted to. so i've gone and downloaded a bunch of the old songs i know and love, and i'm stuck listening to them repeatedly.
anyway, we went back to steph's when she started getting too paranoid (her mom was being suspicious all day). i called up jeff and he joined us, i played tetris forever, we all talked and laughed and just... sat around some more. looked at flash cartoons on the computer. made strange noises. yeah, it was enjoyable, and i'm glad it happened. i was tempted to spend the night with everyone tonight, but i have so much to do tomorrow (today), i really couldn't do it. but i'm jealous of them, brandon and tuey and ryan. they're going to be up to all hours of the night, bonding and all that, while i get to sleep early and do homework all day tomorrow. sigh. oh well, i'll get my chance another day, y'know? i just wish my parents would suggest "why don't you all just spend the night tonight?" to a group of coed teenagers.
"ska is just hyped up reggae. seriously! take bob marley, turn it up a notch, and you've got ska."