cake - when you sleep

so, awesome day i'd think. no snow.. big disappointment. but hey. we'll get some later, right? ... right. i half-slept through all of OSC, listening to stoner stories and pretty much doing nothing. towards the end of the day, people started noticing that i'd only get up if i was going somewhere else to sleep.. i think it was just natural to go home and take a nap, don't you? except i forgot to get up again. when i woke up at 1 it was a little too late to go to school. so instead, i ran! 3 miles baby, oh yeah! so i celebrated by shaving my legs, walking around the house in the nude with my headphones on. powerful's the only word i can think of to describe that feeling. smooth, strong legs, cake crooning in my ears..
so, listening to cake, i came up with the idea of making a Cake cake! so i gathered up my ingredients, popped in the CD, and prepared to start baking. except i was missing a few ingredients, so off to the store it was! and chanel called, she wanted some of the cake, so we met up at my house and girl gabbed and made an afternoon of it. while the cake was in the oven we headed off to fred meyer again ('cause we wanted to decorate the cake). and it was awkward. 'cause as i'm gushing to chanel about kenny, we walk through the doors and there he is! i kind of stop what i was saying and finish it off with "... and that's him." so we said hi to the boys before we booked it out of there and laughed our asses off in the baking aisle. it was cute, and she gave me props for pulling it off all slick-like.
so then.. more stuff to do with the Cake cake. it was a little pudding-ish when we got back to my house, which makes sense 'cause i didn't exactly use the right sized pan.. but it's all good, it turned out fine in the end! right now it's cooling on some racks, i'll probably frost it when i get back from work.. maybe?
so one last trip, we drove pat over to chris's house 'cause his car is dead, then chanel left and here i am bored and ignoring my homework. score.

stone temple pilots - interstate love song

this song makes me want to take a road trip. it's not exactly happy lyrics... actually, if you think about it, most songs about roads aren't happy. but they make good imaginary traveling music. anyway, i'm sitting here imagining riding shotgun down the highway (because of course i wouldn't actually drive on a road trip), feet propped up on the dash with the windows down. oh, flashbacks to summer, driving with michelle, listening to pete yorn... desert, of course. maybe arizona? someplace warm, definitely. i miss the sun like mad.

elton john - mona lisas and mad hatters

ellie's so cute. "chelsea, i want you to get some freakin' sleep tonight!" ha! not happening. and it hurts to even think about tomorrow.
i really, really don't want to go teach lessons tomorrow. it's a bad session when i'm dreading work after the first day.
so i made this really awesome poster. it's just a ton of my favorite random pictures of friends and family. if i had space on the poster, i'd put in words like trust, goofy, ugly, pain, joy, laughter. instead, it's just going to say "What does your family look like?" and people can look for themselves at the situations that i think make up a family.

weezer - photographs

yumm chocolate chips are good. unhealthy, but good.
so david's going up to b-ham wednesday night and wants me to go with him.. i want to so bad.. but i can't. damn. stupid, stupid school. it always interferes. anyway, he says he'll make me tea and pizza if i go see him on thursday after work, so i might just have to make a late night of it. if it doesn't snow.
ohhh man if it snows i will be so psyched! i'll pile on all my clothes (since i don't have any real snow gear) and run around for hours! and if that one pond/minilake across 320th freezes over this year, i am all over it. ice fishing to the max!
the bruise keeps getting worse. i should just start telling people my husband beats me.
oh, so i dyed my hair last night, and the only person who noticed was this little 5 year old kid that i taught last session, and haven't seen in 2 weeks. don't kids have horrible memories or something? i thought they forgot people like liquid. i guess not. anyway, tony runs up to me and shouts "you dyed your hair!!" crazy, crazy loud black boy. i love him. and i want to drown his ass every time he interrupts me.
so today was really awesome, despite how much it sucked hardcore. i don't think i'll be able to stand OSC for much longer... although i might just have to stick around for vinnie. he's going to try and help me out with tony's birthday present. anyway, OSC, i sat on my ass half asleep and folded napkins the whole time. how's that for real life experience? but addie and i skipped out of there early and driving home listening to offspring with the winter sun shining.. it was gorgeous.
then marketing, blah. erika's the only person i can stand in there. we discussed tattoos (everyone's talking about them these days! kenny, chanel, erika.. it's an endless conversation with three different people.) and i think, if i don't get my bookstore job, i might be a telemarketer. at least for a little while. i need something to occupy my time. ... which is bullshit, actually. i have no free time. why am i complaining? i'm so ungrateful.
i need to do laundry.
i also think i'm going to wear ellie's thriftstore sweater tomorrow.
how am i supposed to write this damn essay if i can't even concentrate long enough to take the papers out?
anyway.. back to today.. what happened? oh right. marketing. bullshit. i got out of there as fast as i could, stood around talking to beautiful people, poking sean's fake double chin, fighting with empty water bottles. and sociology was fun too, but it also felt a little fake. everyone was all "oh hi how are you i missed you!" (actually, that was me and erika too.. our relationship is so fake.. ugh i hate high school) when actually we were all too busy with our own lives over break. which is cool, i mean, i had fun and i think everyone else did too. but it's sad how we make all these plans and ideas in our heads, and nothing ever comes from it. it's life, yeah, but how cool would it be if we actually did make that trip up to broadway, road trip through nevada, underwear-themed party, hitch-hiked up to canada... if i actually went through with one of the movie nights i've planned with god-knows how many people, i'd be amazed. honestly.
so then i slept. for like an hour and a half. and it felt fantastic. i didn't dream or anything, i don't even remember my alarm going off, or me turning it off. but i dragged my ass to work and even though i only talked to the guy once or twice, i hate ryan. he quit, and left the supervisors scrambling to figure out who was going to teach classes this session. i got stuck with three preschool classes in a row! holy fucking hell, i want to shoot myself! and then, to finish it off, i have parent-tot. again. which isn't so bad but it's boring.. so very, very boring.. the only fun part is my very first class, i've got james, rhianna, and tony in the same class. tony's a royal pain in the ass, and i'm a total bitch to the poor kid, but i love him when i don't have to be around him. and james is all mature and an excellent swimmer. i want to catch the other two kids up with the class so we can mess around like we did last session, playing marco polo and shit.
i'm cold. and i've written a lot. let's call it quits for tonight, and i'll try to go start that essay.

lawrence arms - a boring story

check out our hot boots.. liz's might be prettier, but mine are hardcore snow boots!

head automatica - beating heart baby

okay.. i just "borrowed" some of ellie's prescription sleeping pills.. so i might pass out while driving around tonight. if i do, i'll miss you all dearly.
it's been a total girl day today. after school ellie and i ran some errands at the store (hair dye!) and stopped by kenny's to grab my movie. he gave me one of his awesome hugs. it was great. so then we went back to my place and started the crazy stuff. ellie doused her hair in this lightening shit, and we wrapped her head in plastic wrap! she looked like some rich 20's actress. don't ask me how. chanel came to run with us, so the three of us ran the trail through the neighborhood and back around to my house. it was a little less than a mile, to kick off the end of the break. it sucked. chanel was having trouble walking after because she hasn't run in about 5 months. she might come with us on wednesday, too! yeah!
we bleached her hair twice. by the end i was scared it was going to fall out. while we waited for it to set again, chanel and i played some idiot version hackey sack. we were painfully bad at it. she stole one of my cd cases to burn 'em all.
umm.. okay so then i ate a chicken quesadilla at liz's and went grocery shopping and now we're heading out, but all i really want is to sleep. forever.

nada surf - if you leave

CaptainSEDUCT0: I CAN'T HELP IT! YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL!!!
missinglunchbox: okay, now don't rape the heater
CaptainSEDUCT0: shoulda told me earlier...
CaptainSEDUCT0: I need a towel

oh man. what would life be without david? ... probably a lot easier for me to sleep at night, actually.

transplants - diamonds and guns

happy new year, yeah?

soul coughing - super bon bon

i found them in my paper journal. how's this for some dish dog material?

friday, may 21, 2004. 1:51 am.
not all the people you see out at all hours of the night have something to say. not all of them have a story. not all of them are interesting. some of them are just lonely. some don't have anyone, anything, anywhere to go. some are just bored, hoping something will happen to them. some wouldn't know what to do if it did.
maybe the happy people really are the normal ones. they have things to do during the day, people who want to be with them and things that they'll enjoy doing together. they can fall asleep at night because they can afford to miss out on what "might" happen. for them, there will be other chances and other opportunities.
the people shying out of the spotlight think they're the ones really living. but maybe it's just jealousy. if they were given the chance to belong, to fit in, to love and be loved, they would take it. in a heartbeat. honestly, everyone really does want to be part of that happy crowd. it's only when they can't manage it that they start denying it. after all, criticizing something is the best way to deny its power over you. so maybe that's all there is to it. maybe the people who smoke and drink alone, who walk the streets because they can't sleep, aren't the enlightened independants they imagine themselves to be. maybe they're just alone, with nothing to do and nothing to look forward to when the sun comes up again.

of course, i see how full of shit i was now. there are probably lonely old hags running around, but most people who are up all night are doing something with their time.

friday, july 2, 2004. 11:46 pm.
north of seattle seems to have a huge difference from south of seattle. up north, we get emo, pretty and melancholy bands like deathcab. south, hopeless dirty grunge like nirvana. up north is the golden child land, the kids who have it all and don't know what to do with it, so they get back to their roots with nature. south, it's industrial and planned, middle class trying vainly to stay there, with kids who have grown up with less and don't see any way for it to change. even my past is like that. bothell was like a dream. i had and did everything, so mostly i played outside, in the greenbelts and islands in the coul de sacs. down here, the authentic nature's been stripped away. (like i said to cole, it's pretty to look at, but meaningless to be in.)
even compare the party atmospheres. bonfire down on the beach, sand and waves and fire, shining moon and endless sky. versus someone's apartment, loud music and loud conversations, screaming and laughing in a closed area. then again, it's weed versus alcohol, strangers versus friends. whatever, i'd rather drink with my crowd and meet new faces at terry's than smoke weed with cole's friends and be intimidated by their expanded state of mind and complete confidance in their meaning in life, their immortality. drinking in an apartment is crude and harsh, impersonal and meaningless, where you can float along and never get lost. drugs on the beach impress you to think, contemplate, come up with explanations for everything. drinking just dulls the senses so you don't have to. mabe that reflects my personality better than anything else - that i'd rather be numb so i don't have to think, instead of expanding my mind and capacity for individual thought. who would've guessed? pot isn't for the slacker after all. it's for the independant, who does things for themself.