aw. so i saw my boys again tonight. not for very long though, which is sad. jj decided to sleep instead of stay up and play with me, so i only got to see him for a few minutes. what's cool, though, is that michelle says all this morning he was just running across the kitchen with his tonka truck "chelsea truck crash!" over 'n over again. nice to know i can still teach him stuff. last thing i taught him was dropping rocks down sewar grates, and that was a while ago. i can't wait to see these guys grow up - it's just too bad they'll probably never remember me.

i've figured out what this is, finally. it's me, telling the world - good day/bad day?
another good day, by the way. woke up early (sort of) and took a nice long shower, then just kind of chilled at home for a while. josh came over, we watched a little bit of comedy central, then we all (evan, derek, aaron, josh, me) went to godfather's for the lunch buffet. after, josh came back over 'n we sat 'n talked for a few hours.
it felt good, y'know? to sit and talk w/ a friend. i haven't done that, comfortably, for a while. last time i had a huge one-on-one conversation was with vanessa, and well, i dunno, she always puts me a little on edge. i consider a lot of things that, for me, are 'big topics' in my life. it's frustrating and alarming, especially because the conversations usually end in me making some huge decision.
this way, though, just sitting on my bed 'n talking about whatever came to mind... that's the kind of conversation i've missed. i'd forgotten how important to me it is, to be able to just bond with a friend.
oddly enough, because of this, i have made a decision. i need to call up steph 'n brenda, set up another girl's night. it's been too long.

mm. good day today.
i seem to have a lot of those.
hey, i'm not complaining, i like it.
anyway, school was pretty fun. math, believe it or not, is starting to be fun. ... stupid stupid accountant genes! we got to meditate in family psych today, which i gotta say, was pretty damn cool. we laid on the floor for like 25 minutes doing one of those guided meditation things. you know, "you are now entering your power cave"-type stuff from fight club. it was crazy! english kinda sucked, and at the same time didn't, it was weird. was going to walk home, got talked into taking the bus by kate (who paid for me, bless her soul), and ended up just going over to her house. we watched sweet home alabama... kinda cheesy movie, but cute, i liked it. michael 'n andrew came over, so we chilled with them for an hour or two before i came home and went babysitting.
and i gotta say! i love my boys! jj, as always, pulled his little 'oh sad mommy's leaving' gig, but a few minutes after they were gone we were havin a great ol' time. he kept asking about my 'juice' (energy drink i stole from their fridge) and we both trumpeted along with his animal movie. isaac's crawling now, so i put him in this little rocker-thingy, and man! that kid is crazy! he was moving it all over the place, having the time of his life. the best part of the night tho was when jj and i tore around their kitchen with his tonka truck. first i was chasing him w/ it, sliding across the floor in my socks. then he took it and would run between my legs, then back again. isaac by now was out of his rocker and just sat there grinning at us, all amazed by what we were doing. it was so cute! and also, really cool, i got to read the get along gang again! i used to have a huge book of their stories, and jj had one that i found, so that was our bedtime story. man... i love these kids! michael's gonna be upset, i told them i'd babysit tomorrow night too. oh well, he's tough, he'll survive.
hmmmm, what else... oh yah, i'm gonna be getting the custom cd soon! hopefully when we get back to school on tuesday. i'm psyched!

my parents and i went out to dinner tonight. i taught my dad a bunch of stuff he's never heard before, like wigger, bling bling, 420... he thinks it's hilarious. it's... kinda interesting too. we were just sittin there, picking at each other's food (not even asking, of course). and, get this, i was the one making most of the conversation. ... you have no idea how weird that it. it's always me, laughing at brent and scott's stories. but no, i got to be the one talking! i... yeah, it's stupid to be happy about that, but i am. it's going to be like this for the next 3 years, too. i'm going to be the center of attention... selfish and immature, yes, but still very cool. i finally get to at least pretend i'm the oldest. it's just a very good feeling, and you know, i think i'm going to be able to handle my parents all alone. just maybe.

score!
i found 2 of my mom's old energy bars in a diff. box. so i ate them. and they're good! and then i had a spicy chili chicken cup-a-noodles... not so good.
a cool pen showed up on my keyboard today. i dunno what the pills do, but the pen has an advertisement for Seroquel on it. it reminds me of jessika's viagra pens.
i'm still hungry, argh, this is crazy. michael's parents lock the food up, i swear, it's impossible to eat over there. but hey - i got to paint mike's nails! yeah!! highlight of my day.

iii got my piccytures today!!
pretty, beautiful pictures of gorgeous guys in kilts. and me and jessika at 7-11. and me and elaina and tysson wrestling. and my maybe-cousin jasmine. and just... i love them so much!!
anyway, last night was cool, i got me some new pants and a stupid belt and lip gloss and stickers and saw how to lose a guy in 10 days (funny movie btw!). oh, and kate 'n i took a survey, lol. it was funny. but we got chocolate so it's all good.

*girlish screaming* yes!! the ice cream man JUST passed through my neighborhood. this morning i noticed daffodils blooming in our yard. and the cherry trees have been blooming since last week.
spring's here, and you know what that means??
SUMMER'S COMING!!!!!!!!!
i'm psyched!

okay, so updating every day has gone down the toilet. social lives, man, they get in the way of everything. but hey, i'm not complaining.
yesterday was just... nice. very nice. i saw michael and we hung out at the elementary school for a while before we went back to his house. i love just spending time with him... i feel so comfortable around him, it's totally unlike my past relationships. of course, don't go thinking i'm in love with him or anything. it's not one of those sappy "oh god i can't live without him!" type things. it's just... it's nice. i really like him.
anyway, less happy subject. i'm doing it again folks! messing everything up and making my life miserable. i've been wanting a job forever - i go into the career center almost every day looking for new job postings, i'm always noticing what kind of jobs i'd be interested in. i've been dying to join the working force forever. so when my parents started hassling me about getting a job today, i blew up at them. i didn't mean to, though. i've just been really frustrated - no one will hire me when i'm still 15. then my parents start suggesting i turn in applications anyway - well first i'd need to be able to go around to the places to get applications. it's just... so frustrating! they won't even let me take driver's ed, but they want me to have a job?? it makes me want to scream, but i can't, so instead i say stupid ass things to my parents that get me in trouble. on that note, i couldn't do anything today but sit in my room and watch the lion king (love that movie!). which, don't get me wrong, i have no problem doing. i enjoy it. but today i really wanted to go out and do something, but i couldn't, and i was bored out of my mind! still am, btw. i ended up jumping around the house and my mom yelled at me for making too much noise. figures. oh well. so i blew bubbles out my bedroom window, and that calmed me down for a little bit.
right now i'm just.. serenely happy. i haven't talked to elaina about it yet, but apparently she and tysson finally hooked up, which i'm really psyched about. and matt and monica are together again (honestly, i don't think they ever stopped being involved), and matt is completely head-over-heels. it seems like everyone's lives are finally coming together... i just wonder how william is doing. he's my big issue now. well, okay, william and ryan. i'm really worried about ryan, he hasn't been handling tennessee too well lately. i think i've got him calmed down, but i don't really know.. it worries me that he's so far away. i feel like i can't do anything, and i hate being helpless.
anyway, right now i'm not going to think too much about it.