still enya

it's been so long since i've talking to ryan... and here we go...

slaphappysappy86: so how are you
missinglunchbox: i'm doing alright... i don't know, i'm happy sometimes and other times not.
missinglunchbox: just, the usual up's and down's i guess.
missinglunchbox: it's a little disturbing how much jeff's starting to effect my moods, too.
slaphappysappy86: yeah...well if you ever need help...im here
slaphappysappy86: really...how
slaphappysappy86: like are you really into this Jeff guy?
missinglunchbox: yeah, unbelievably.
missinglunchbox: when i'm around him, i'm happy, completely and totally.
missinglunchbox: and when he's not around i feel kind of empty.
slaphappysappy86: thats awesome
slaphappysappy86: thats not
missinglunchbox: yeah
slaphappysappy86: i know how you feel so im right there with you
slaphappysappy86: brenda does that to me
slaphappysappy86: and i can't help but want to see her
missinglunchbox: well that's good. at least we can swap misery stories.
missinglunchbox: yeah with jeff, i see him practically every day and it's still not enough.
slaphappysappy86: yeah
slaphappysappy86: well i see brenda maybe twice a week...so its harder for her and I
slaphappysappy86: well at least me...i dont know about her
missinglunchbox: like he still tries to make time for his friends... i just want to bring jeff to every thing i do.
missinglunchbox: i'm sure she feels the same way
slaphappysappy86: yeah i know
missinglunchbox: i mean come on she's had a thing for you for years
slaphappysappy86: i know how you feel...i want to do things so i could bring brenda to them and stuff...like my band's shows and stuff
missinglunchbox: well with me, it's just dumb stupid ordinary stuff
slaphappysappy86: i still dont see why she has had a thing for me fo years...it boggles my mind
slaphappysappy86: its all good
slaphappysappy86: i know what you mean
missinglunchbox: i'll be watching tv and want him to be there with me. driving around running errands and wanting him to just be there while i push the cart around getting groceries
slaphappysappy86: i know...i know
missinglunchbox: but it's okay... we're going out with them, it's okay to be obsessive.
slaphappysappy86: yeah...i know....thats the beauty of it
missinglunchbox: lol, yeah.
missinglunchbox: finally! it's okay to be a stalker!
slaphappysappy86: YAY!!!
slaphappysappy86: WOOT
missinglunchbox: lol
missinglunchbox: it's so sad... but so unbelievably great at the same time
slaphappysappy86: yeah i know what you mean

enya

so... bored... i tried to give up the computer, but it beckoned and called and i couldn't stay away. and thus, my productivity level has dropped and i haven't done anything since three or four this afternoon.
but! between then, i did much! here's the rundown.
friday: school, drove to work after and got my work schedule, sat around for a full hour at home before picking up jeff and we went to toys 'r us, which was much fun, then good will, which was less fun, then tuey's, which was.. interesting at least, and i saw brenda! then off to alan's and we watched happy campers and talked and it was good fun except not much really happened. jeff got in trouble and i drove him home and when i got home i don't remember exactly what i did, but i went to sleep around 11:30.
today: i woke up at 10:30 to some damn dog yapping its head off that wouldn't shut up for the longest time. got up, got dressed, ate breakfast, and went out to run errands. discount bread store, tj maxx, halloween superstore, and safeway. got more done in those 2 hours than i think i've ever done on any given saturday. got home and mother was painting, and i felt creative, so i cleaned out my room somewhat and changed the sheets and took down some lights, rearranged the stacks of papers, and started laundry. also, started reading mere christianity again! since i never finished it the first time around. and it's good, i like it, it makes me feel guilty. ordered pizza (pizza guy, full 10!) and i've been listening to the only 2 enya cd's i could find on repeat all day long. very, very bored.

desaparecidos - survival of the fittest

david called me tonight, about 5 minutes after i got home. =) he hasn't forgotten about me! i was really happy to hear from him, but now i also really miss long beach. the way it used to be, though, when everyone was still there and things were still pretty simple. when most of them were still in highschool. but yeah. he's gonna try to come up and visit me eventually... or i'll just have elaina tell him the next time i come down for the weekend, so he can be there too.
i got some really neat stuff today! a hat and thigh-high fish nets and some really cool fangs. i lost the fangs already, and they cost $16. i want to kick myself. the other stuff, i'm still excited about, but at the same time... lately i've been feeling pretty bad about the way i look, and i know i shouldn't, but i can't help it. i'm a girl, y'know? it just happens.

nickelback - hollywood horror

i missed yesterday 'cause i was with jeff all day, and when i wasn't i was babysitting. got home around 11 and just fell into bed and slept. it was nice.
today, so far! has been pretty alright, with a bunch of little things that made me happy. like how i don't really remember english. and franny gave me a sucker in anatomy. i actually went to an fccla meeting today (and i got to see my boyfriend there, too!) and donovan gave me a ride home 'cause the buick's in the shop today. jeff's not coming to south hill with us today, which makes me sad... but, bobby's here (gasp!) so it should be interesting anyway. now, i need to go put a shirt on.

kenny g - by the time this night is over

urgh. that's how i feel right now. i'm absolutely dead tired, my body aches, and i really wish i could just fall over and sleep, but it's not even 8 yet and i still need to do homework. but! y'know, i feel good about it all. this is a good sign. where i would've broken down into tears because the stress was too much 3 weeks ago... here i am, taking it all on with a grin over the grimace and still finding things to be happy about. like today, i drove straight, immediately home from school and got in a full 30 minute nap. at work in the... ticket booth, i guess, where we sign in and stuff, there were three big baskets full of candy, fruit, and chips with a big sign "for the staff!". so i grabbed a bunch of mini twixes and such, and a thing of oreos. called up tuey and drove to brandon's where i gave her the oreos, stood around for 20 minutes or so with her, brandon, luke, and christian... then off to fred meyer, some quick shopping, i got to use my credit card! and now i'm home. i tried doing homework, but no... so now, i'm just listening to kenny g and enya, and if i can find the christmas music my mom just bought i'm going to put that in too.

our lady peace - life

hurrah! i saw my friends again, finally! today soon as my dad got home i took off to steph's and saw the kids, tuey, brandon, luke, and even the evil little sisters! i also talked to laura for a long while and that was cool. but yeah we got kfc, yummm! and i sat in the fred chair... aka, i ran through the giant spiderweb that was attached to the back of the chair i decided to sit in. and also, well, we looked at pictures of animals... and stuff. it was fun! but i was only there for two hours. it's weird, i've spent the last month of school as kinda a recluse, and i don't think i'm used to being around people anymore. gotta work on that, really. 'cause i like having friends!
oh and before that, after school i drove around with donovan and liz. saw donovan's house (it kicks ass!) and ate his food and went to the bank and the hardware stores and a dollar store and party city and then home. and it was fun.
oh, i also got my credit card today! hurrah! so after work tomorrow i get to test it out buying stamps and ice cream... yay!

hot water music - driving home

you know how when i was little, i used to imagine what it would be like to be a teenager? all the staying out late, doing nothing, sitting on couches in someone's garage, eating ice cream on the side of the road... i've done all that, and it's everything i wanted.
but i also used to imagine what the perfect relationship would be like, the perfect boyfriend. i'm not saying jeff's perfect... but he comes damn close. in fact, so close that i can't really say why he's not... i just don't want to start thinking things that meaningful. that would have that much impact.
but yeah... today was absolutely wonderful. it started out alright... church and such... then i drove around and did some shopping and such... but the best part by far was when i finally got to see jeff. it's been a month for us today, you know. and it's only getting better. he's amazing, really. everything about him, from the way he randomly breaks into a dance to his little "yeah o-kay,"... he's wonderful. but, right, we went to wendy's... got an assload of stuff from the dollar menue, and sat and ate and talked and just had a great time getting in a little mini-food fight and everything. drove to best buy to get some batteries, then off to steel lake. it was beautiful. we stood on the dock and looked out on the water, at the ducks and the lights and watched the stars come out. when it got really dark, we left and went to illahee... wandered around for a little bit, sat under the trees, then tried to find a way to climb onto the roof. not too much luck getting all the way up, but we made it on top of those little hallway roofs. so we sat up there for another while, talking and looking at the stars some more... little stint where we had to run around looking for his cell phone, it was in my car... then back up onto the roof.
that was the part that really got to me, y'know? just laying on the roof of my old junior high, looking at the stars, listening to the building creaking around us and making plans for spending the whole night up there, with sleeping bags and everything. it's exactly what i imagined, everything i've wanted. someone who i can do dumb reckless shit with, while at the exact same time having a completely serious conversation. it's amazing. he's amazing. but i think i said that.