what's new, what news... nothing i really want to put up here for public reading. i'm home alone for the first time in months! still have another good hour before anyone gets home. i forgot, though, that means i'm going to be bored out of my mind. didn't do jack today but sort through spare change, play with the dog, and eat a lot of otter pops. work tomorrow, which, as boring as it is, will definitely be an improvement on sitting around at home all day.

whoops. didn't make today in time.
good day, though! started off kinda iffy. got better. spent a good couple hours with jon, saw sinbad, ate at wendy's, read books at borders. came home, sat around for a little bit, left again. went to alan's for a couple hours, played pool, watched part of a movie. brent came, went and saw pirates of the caribbean with him. good movie! love johnny depp.
brent's right. i like criminals. like any girl, i love the bad boys. i don't think johnny depp in this movie is a good example, though, because i love him in all his movies (well, except maybe edward scissor hands). but he did a great job acting the crazy captain. and oooh boy, does he look good with eye liner!
ummm... other than that... i could probably put thought into one of these things.... but i don't really feel like it tonight.
i've noticed that's a trend though. my life has definitely gotten more interesting since a year ago. but because of that, i find i have a lot less interesting things to say on this.

i want to be a pool shark. actually, i want to be a lot of things. when i was little, i (no joke!) wanted to be a stripper. now i want to be a pool shark and a bartender. more bartender than pool shark, actually. but i like playing pool and i really want to learn to play well, so i can get a little respect from the other wild waves employees (not to mention from everyone else who's ever seen me play pool).
you know, after standing around for so long, my feet went numb. they started tingling (it was actually really cool) while i was walking toward the mall.
jared didn't offend me today... but his comment still makes me need to prove myself. i will close the pool hall doors before the end of summer! can you believe, for the whole 4 hours i was working there, i never once considered just shooting to practice, instead of starting over every time i lost? not until brandon pointed it out about half an hour before i left. and then jared and the corn dog guy were playing. oh well. next time!

growing up sucks. you lose faith in everything you believed in. and i don't mean religion, not at all! i mean all those little things you convinced yourself were true. that your brothers are horrible beings put here to make your life miserable. that your dog will live live forever. that if you have the money, you can buy it. that those scary people your parents don't like are actually normal, well-adjusted people who just look really cool. that duct tape really can fix everything.
alright. i've known a lot of those things weren't true for a while. yes, peabody's going to die. no, my brother's weren't out to ruin my life. they were too busy thinking i was out to ruin theirs. the people who look strange and dark and mysterious are usually pretty messed up on the inside. but i never thought the day would come when duct tape wouldn't work! i used it to put a giant christmas light star on my ceiling... which fell apart this morning. it's a sad, sad world today.

i'm happy right now. of course i am. but... i'm scared. my mom wants to put peabody to sleep when school starts again.
i can't take it lightly. he's my dog. even though he was scott's first, he's always been mine. i've grown up with him. i remember getting him, but i can't remember not having him. he's always been here. during my pre-teen dramatics, i used him instead of a stuffed animal. i wiped my tears with his ears. shut up, it rhymes, but it's more than that. he's... i don't know how to describe it. i try to imagine looking around the house for him and never finding him. and it scares me. i mean, peabody's probably the most constant thing in my life. people's emotions change. dog's don't. even when he's scared or timid or annoyed, he'll still sit still and let me pet him, or brush him, or just pick out his fur. heh, strange, i know, but spring/summer is my favorite time with him, because i can sit and just pick off those clumps of thick fur he's losing.
i just can't imagine not having him. it's impossible. i know it'll happen someday, but for almost 12 years now he's been here. sleeping in the den, hiding upstairs from the vacuum, barking outside the front door after running around for an hour, going nuts with a towel on his head. what am i going to do when i get home from school, without him to play with and chase around the house? sure i usually only focus on him maybe 10 minutes a day, but he's always in the background. without that... life's just not going to be the same. i don't want to let him go.

i put a lopsided star on my ceiling. it's beautiful. too bad the blue lights don't work yet.

work, fun stuff. got stuck up at center for four hours, freezing my ass off with no customers and the thing was broken for the first 2 hours anyway. finally got out for lunch, and when i got back i had to walk around with the broom and dustpan. i think jared has it in for me. got off 20 minutes late (4:20!) and met these people on the shuttle, mia and james. mia's a compulsive buyer. we walked around the mall for about 2 hours, and i got a bracelet, a glittery spiral headband, and 3 headband/necklaces from her. other than that, not a lot's gone down. jon's home! finally! i've missed him so much while he was gone. i swear every single day i'd be bored... i should do something with jon... no wait! he's not here! but now he is and that means i'll finally have someone to do stuff with. it's insane. he's like... i dunno. he's like josh i guess. i just feel that comfortable around him, but without that kind of history that would explain it. it's just natural to be myself around him. and i love it! i love and adore him and can't imagine how i've ever made it without someone like him before.

brent's bitching again... he watched a little of cky with me and really didn't like it, and now every chance he gets he preaches about dumb people and rot and how horrible the movies are. so... yeah
other than that, today was pretty good. tobias and nick came over for a little bit, then we went driving, then over to nick's. it was kinda cool to sit around nick's room and talk to him for a couple hours, but kinda... weird, too. 'cause tobias left after a little bit and i really don't know nick very well. but i didn't want to go home (of course) and i want to know nick, so i stuck around. and i had fun, but i have no clue how i came across. probably not how i wanted to, but oh well.
so josh is going to fed next year, for sure now. i'm a little sad about it. after all, it's official. all the friends i have a history with are gone. other schools. okay so once i get my license in september it'll be easier. but school... i really don't know how i'm going to deal. sure, i'll have the people i've met this year. but, well, it's still not the same. yesterday, driving around with brandon and tuey. i could stick my head out the window and ignore them until i wanted to yell about the radio. i can tackle tuey out of nowhere and get up and walk away. it's all fine, who cares? today, with nick and tobias... it was like, sure i wanted to do stuff, but i convinced myself not to 'cause i really don't know what they'd do. and well... it's not a good idea to get on the bad side of your ride home.
so i haven't seen ryan since graduation. talked to him on the phone once. i feel bad about that. i should try to fix it. the thing is, i don't have many days off, and then when i do i don't feel like calling him. and when i work, after i don't feel like trying to arrange things, i just want to do something where i won't have to think or be on edge or anything. ... but yeah.

lesse... work, yeah... came home. tuey and brandon came over. we went driving. i got to give the directions! lots of lefts and straights. and we went down to the beach 'n boardwalk but then we kept going... and got lost... and ended up someplace with farms and crop fields and tuey had to be home in 10 minutes. so. we got lost but found our way and she was only a little late.
i love these days! not really doing anything, just bumming around and doing stupid stuff and laughing a lot. hanging out of car windows and eating cheese and reading up on drugs effects. and just... yeah. these are the good days.