okay, this is officially the coolest day ever, and i haven't even left the house yet.
you know how scott hates me and despises me and would probably be happier if he never saw me again?
for the first time in my life, he bought me a present, without my parents telling him to and giving him the money.
he bought me a cthulhu doll!

happy birthday to me!
got lots of random stuff at school today. liz ran around with a card and got lots of my friends to sign it, plus a bunch of random people she wants to introduce me to. after school, had liz, brandon, tommy, and david over, got dinner at peking wok, then just messed around inside and outside and wherever until about half an hour ago. lots of fun. tomorrow i get to go out with the family for dinner and get the present they got for me.
so. sam called. wished me happy birthday and shit, something about how 16's special and all... i really don't want to be, but i'm really bitter toward him. i can be nice and normal to him like i used to be, before this huge mess, but there's still this nagging voice in my head just wanting to kick his ass. ... well, whatever, i'll get over it completely in just a little longer.

'nother good day. busy day, actually. lots of stuff happened. lots and lots and lots. so much i almost don't remember it all. i know i left my backpack in some guy's car, and brandon's sweatshirt at kyle's house.
it's crazy, actually, everything that's happened today. liz's parents still love me, i'm like their adopted child that sleeps in another house. liz's mom (can you believe i don't know her name? i think it's dianne) made us scrambled eggs and french bread for dinner. she and liz's dad (mike?) do so much for me - they drive me around, they pay for my kickboxing, they feed me, they let me kidnap their daughter every day. and they still like me. it's really cool, to have someone's parents think i'm almost perfect.
i cleaned my dishes in kyle's kitchen today. he and liz were upstairs, doing who knows what, so i decided to scrub the pie pans. it was fun. this guy... um... forgot his name again, he drove me to and from the boxing match, which was really dumb.
i think i'm going to try to work at the post office. it could be interesting, but i don't think i'm old enough? i'll find out.
i talked to this old guy in the sauna today. his birthday is tomorrow, too! we talked about that and the atkin's diet and such. i refuse to admit that breads can be bad for you!

haha! had a great day, you have no idea.
let me see... where to start...
okay, good morning, tuey pulled up right behind me as i was walking toward the school, so i found her right off. burnt stuff in chemistry, so i smelled like smoke all day. german, boring, as usual. history wasn't too bad, nothing really exciting that i can think of, though.
after school was the fun stuff. laid out with liz and chris and tanned while waiting for chris's sister to take her test. drove home, okay, then wendy came over and we went shopping. we made our french apple tarts for english tomorrow. so fun making them, eating the stuff while we worked. liz came over to give me my bra back, then ended up just sticking around. after wendy left, brandon showed up to give me my gloves back, and, well, just kinda got sucked in and never left either. so we all just bummed around my room doin' nothing, usual stuff. tobias showed up to get an aspirin bottle from me, sucked him in, too. more messing around. liz left, made brandon and tobias watch my 9th grade video. i forgot how stupid it was. tobias eventually managed to break away and then it got good. started talking to brandon about bodily functions and all, it was hilarious seeing him tweak out when i mentioned taking a dump. and then somehow we got into a huge discussion about girls' periods. so i got out a tampon and showed him how to use it and all. funny funny stuff!
so now, just relaxing, trying to de-wire myself. it feels like 7 in the evening, i don't think i'm ever going to make it to bed tonight.
update on the whole... situation. it's over. done and finished. no more stress, no more worries, i'm finally over him and i can get on with life. i know, clear as day, what his opinion is and i'm fine with it. but, i'd like to say, fuck him for ever starting something in the first place!
kickboxing is great, by the way. just imagine his face plastered on the mat, remember all that pain i put myself through, and vent! i could beat the shit out of that thing for hours and still not do enough.

when i was little, still living up in bothel, my parents were painting the hallway. they took down the huge oval mirror at the end of the hall and laid it down flat on the carpet. brent and i were fascinated by it. i remember i sat and just peered into the mirror, looking around at the hall upside down. it was cool. i was imagining what it would be like to just climb through the mirror and walk along on the ceiling like it was the floor. stepping over the doorframes to get into rooms. having to avoid the lights. i don't know, it's just this really vivid image still burned into my mind of how cool that one mirror was.
what brought this on? well, i was walking around with my pink dollar store mirror today, and it was just really creepy watching the stuff behind me get further away when i knew i was getting closer to the things in front of me.
anyway, umm, today, doug and liz came over, watched my big fat greek wedding (it's alright, i guess), screwed around for a while, went kickboxing, sauna, ate dinner at liz's, here i am. wahoo.

laugh, everyone! i just saw the funniest thing ever!!!
went out to get movies with brent. the people standing in line were hilarious. the guy, old middle aged 50+ guy, long curly balding hair and hasn't shaved in a while. hair in pigtails, dressed in a big blue sweater over a purple dress and pajama pants. wife, also hair in pigtails, wearing a flowy flowery maternity dress - yes, she was pregnant. that poor kid! but ohhh man it was funny! i swear i almost died laughing when i got out into the parking lot. the whole store just kinda grinned and had a moment when they left.

so. passed my test for driver's ed today. that's cool. never have to go to that dumb class again! yay!
walked home with liz. talked to brandon on the porch. now liz's back and i'm trying to do my project that's due tomorrow... oh well.
made a decision today. it's too much for me to deal with. so i'm giving up. my life will go on, and i won't have to deal with all the emotional shit i've been putting myself through.

brandon and i agree. "complicated" is the worst status for any relationship. it's not going downhill, it's not stopped, it's not moving forward, it's not any one of those particular things. it's complicated. which means there are all sorts of things from all over the place just messing everything up. it's impossible to explain to anyone, let alone yourself. it sucks ass.
i made new friends today! that's cool. and i drove around for a long while, all around auburn and sumner and that area.
sooo... don't really feel like writing today.