today was fun. and it sucked pretty bad.
school was carnival. didn't really do much. was bored out of my mind half the time, highly entertained by acting like a 3-year-old the other half. was coughing up stuff most of the time. got home, got even more bored, did pretty much nothing until i went and babysat.
that was the highlight of my night, i guess. sat with isaac on a mattress and bounced him up and down and "tossed" him into a huge down comforter. did some of my homework, just a little. not much, though.
got disinvited by elaina's mom to tysson's graduation dinner. so i'm not going. which really sucks, because now i have nothing to do all weekend. everything i was so psyched about just... fell through.

so umm, gave blood today, that was a really freaky experience, but really cool too.
nothing especially exciting happened today, though. finding out more and more how.. not really manipulative... more like confused, liz's way of thinking is. my mom and i are getting along pretty well, as long as we keep the conversation to things like the dog, walking... she's really not too good with relationships, but it's okay.
umm, fell asleep around six or so, woke up around nine. ryan called, got some good news from him, but it's supposed to be a surprise so i won't tell until later.
other than that, hm, not much happened today.

yearbook's alright. nothing too fancy.
cut my hair today. it looks cute. fun summer thing.
i'm donating blood tomorrow! i'm excited about that. i wonder, if i'll find out what my blood type is now? hm. i'll be getting out of my german class, so that's really good news.
other than that... lots going on, but nothing incredibly interesting.

drove around for about an hour today, picking up applications and such. i can't get behind the wheel often enough these days!
i'm really scared about trying to find a job. i don't want to get stuck at wild waves. but so far, it doesn't look like i'll have any luck anywhere else.
i feel almost sad today. i guess liz doesn't want to be my friend anymore. the story goes like this: after she left on friday, i didn't talk to her at all the whole weekend, except when she called on sunday and asked if i wanted to go to southcenter with her. monday while i'm sleeping, she leaves a message that her mom won't be able to drive us to kickboxing anymore. i ask her about it today, and she says it's because she got a membership to bally's... and she's mad at me. she said i lied to her about whether i drank or not at brandon's on friday (i did, i'm not denying that. i didn't get drunk, though.) and since then, she won't talk to me. she avoids me in the halls. and tuey says she thinks we're too different from each other and our friendship isn't working out? ... i guess i can understand how sarah feels now. being judged unfairly for something you have no control over. i didn't lie to liz. i know i didn't. if she'd asked, i would have told her. but she didn't. and now she won't talk to me.
oh well, summer's coming, life will go on. i survived without her before, and while it hurts to be rejected by what i thought was one of my closest friends... i still have other people.
for instance, scott. now there's something unexpected. but talking to him couldn't have come at a better time. it actually seems like he cares about me. shocker, i know, considering we've had virtually no contact our entire lives. anyway, it's one thing that keeps me going.
josh is another person that's helping me out. he probably doesn't even know it. but i've known him for what seems like so long now, i can just let go and be myself around him. i don't have to put up any walls, or pretend to be something i'm not. i can just relax.
brian's also helping. just waking up or coming home and finding messages from him makes me feel better. stupid stuff, all of it, like him talking to himself about his font. but it's cool, because no one else does that.
bubbles are relaxing, too.

tuey, i know you read this, so i just want to say:
thank you so much for knowing what i've been worrying about. you're the best friend i've got. and i'll try not to tell myself i'm the third wheel.

dead tired today, think i might go to sleep soon.
i love my friends. i'm really happy with them. i like the comfort of having a history with people, and knowing that one weird day isn't going to change our friendship. i like being able to sit next to josh and read poetry out loud to him and not for a moment wonder what he'll think of me.

okay, i got it now.
today tuey, after we both got home and were on the internet, asked me if i felt like she's moving in on my territory.
and, honestly, it does. but it's not a bad thing! i'm really glad we've got some friends in common now. it means, definitely, we'll be spending a lot of time together this summer. and next year, when she goes to beamer, i'll still see her. it's insurance that we won't lose touch. and if that means i have to deal with a little jealousy now and then, fine. it's worth it. besides, brandon isn't mine. neither is tommy. i have no claim over either of them. who am i to get all weird over them having friends? so sure, tuey's mooching in on my friends, brandon's little brothers like her too and she and brandon seem to have more in common. that's fine. just as long as they don't start leaving me out!

haven't done any homework. oops.
spent the day bumming around brandon's house, again. his ice tastes funny. tuey brought slc punk, tommy came over an hour or two before we left.
still can't wait for next weekend! or the summer, for that matter.
this is hard. i have so much to say, and i can never remember it.
scott put the idea in my head about going to an east coast school. i like it. i never considered it before. my parents have always been saying that i can't go out of state, we can't afford it. but scott's right. there are a lot of scholarships out there. and maybe a loan isn't the best option, but if it works, it works. i'm apprehensive about the whole idea. i mean, not go to college in seattle? not douse myself in the whole seattle city life culture? sure i could go to another city, but i've always seen seattle when i think of 'cities'. but then.. east coast.. it's where all the good bands are. it's... confusing. and it's also an idea. i'll think about it. i've still got a while.
i really hope i don't have to present tomorrow.