hot water music - remedy

http://www.sandiegozoo.org/pandas/pandacam/index.html
panda cam!!

Emode.com says:

You're ready for an adventurous, free-spirited affair to remember. And if it comes in the form of someone who shakes up your world a bit, helps you expand your horizons, then decides to stay for awhile — all the better.

It's not that you don't want a serious relationship. It's just that you might rather get there with someone who's equally committed to having fun for now. Ever wanted to drive up the coast or across your town in a red convertible? Interested in staying at a restaurant so late the chef himself joins you at the table for a late night cappuccino? Or are you really more into a no-strings-attached companion?

For some people, a good fling starts with someone you can spend the whole day in bed with — whether you're under the covers or playing cards in your PJs. But for others a fling is just a light-hearted approach to finding a different way to spend quality time with someone new.



... that sounds fun!

audio karate - betrayed

you know, school's a huge part of the day. 6 whole hours, first thing, all that thinking and working, it's what i do all that homework for... and yet, by the time i get to writing in this thing, i've completely forgotten what happened. or at least, i have to think pretty hard to remember.
early morning, i went and turned in my order form for my stuff in marketing, and gave her my permission slip for the conference and all that. i was still really tired and bitter that i had to wake up. oh well.
in math, i understood what he was teaching us. we had a quiz and i think i aced it! these are all good signs. hard work pays off. weight training, um, did lots of leg stuff so those muscles hurt. jeff got me with the chalk (again). i love weight training. we screw around and work out and just... it's fun. it's my chance to complete the whole thing, and make myself tired physically too. but yeah, if tuey gets back into decatur (and she's already on the waiting list!), then school's really going to pick up. it's gonna be good. history, again, i understood what was going on! i got a way better score on my essay than i thought i would, and just... yeah. things are starting to feel good.
got a ride home from josh. when brent was driving me to work, i first had to mail a letter to matt, so as i'm walking toward the mail box, brent pulls out and drives off in the other direction. i was confused... and even more when he didn't come back. well, he did eventually. the meeting wasn't too bad, just some updates about what's going on and such. when we split up into little sections, irene really had nothing for us pool attendants to go over, so we went down into the viewing tunnel and looked at the decorations for the halloween swim thing. that thing is going to be sooo much fun to work at, especially if i get to be in the tunnel! it's going to be set up as, well, a haunted tunnel basically. and we'll get to pop out and scare the little kiddies. anyway, we stood forever by the dive tank, watching people bust through the surface and such. watching from under water is completely different from watching from above. when you're watching people swim, you can still see them when they're under the water. from below, it's completely different. there's no warning that something's going to change. it's really addictive, too. boomer said it - "it's like watching the polar bears at the zoo!"
after! did some phone calls and tuey picked me up from the center, and drove me to brandon's. we didn't really do anything over there, but it was still really fun. like the old days. terry showed me a card trick, to play on drunk people and win money off them. i think i remember how it goes... remind me to practice in a little bit. anyway, i was sitting on the ground and jeff reaches over and just kinda taps me... and i fell over... it was really sad. ha, jeff is so fun! it's like, you know how i'm abusive and stuff? well so is he! we'll just irritate the hell out of each other, fooling around and trying to bug the other person worse. i love it. it's just fun and relaxed and every time i look at him i just have to get this goofy grin on my face. morgan noticed in weight training today. i was just watching him and she's like, what are you laughing at? and i couldn't explain it. everything about him just makes me happy, like all that stress and stuff just washes away and i have to laugh, not 'cause of anything specific, he just makes me feel that good inside.
it was also kinda cool when logan came up 'n gave me a big ol' hug today, then climbed into my lap and just sat there hugging me. he's such a cute little kid! tho it did get kind annoying after a while.
i don't really feel like writing anything else now, though. even though there's still a lot to say, i'm going to go off into that little happy coma i seem to spend so much time in these days.

our lady peace - story about a girl

bad start in the morning. dad asked me how i was doing. woe-is-me phase starts. got to school and cheered up when i found jeff. first period wasn't too bad, in the i'm-way-too-tired to move kind of way. as hard as all this work is, though, i get a good, satisfied feeling when i'm done. marketing, let's see... first lunch with jeff (good golly, pretty much every highlight of the day seems to involve him now!), and i got to work one of the registers in the student store during second and third lunches. in anatomy, donovan had this card trick, it's like asking the magic 8 ball. i agree with the results from the first question, disagree with the second, and agree with the third but i hope it's wrong. the third? am i going to have to quit my job? anyway, after school, felt like shit! and jeff was wonderful, just let me kinda sleep against his chest with his arm around me while we stood around for my brother to come pick me up.
brent... now that's something different. no sympathy from him this time. he was still bitter about last night (among other things) and i was still sensitive about last night (among other things). so he was yelling and i just sat there and took it and it was the second time in a week i walked around safeway crying. this is a bad habit i'm getting into! all this crying and stuff. it makes me seem all weak and sensitive and stuff. damn stress! anyway, he felt bad after a while, even though i wasn't trying to pull a guilt trip or anything. i couldn't really help it. what, you think i wanted to be crying in public? so yeah, i cheered up in a little bit by talking about jeff and i got a red bull, too. drank that while he drove me to work and by the time i got there, i felt better. ugh, hard work today! most of it wasn't bad at all, but then i had to scrub all the paint on the stairs down to the locker rooms. so basically, i sat with a towel and cleaner and scrubbed all the vertical parts of the stairs. at one point someone behind me was like, "scrub scrub scrub!" and it surprised me 'cause everyone else was being sympathetic. so i look up, and look at that, it was nate! from illahee. i was like, oh, hey, i know you! but hell if i had the energy to say anything else, so i just kinda sat there looking dumbly up at him, and he was like, "yeah, you do.. my name's nate." i guess he thought i'd forgot. oh well. his parents were all pissy and said they didn't have any time to waste chatting, so off he went, just like that. he's got facial hair now.
after work, while i was waiting for my dad to pick me up, i checked my messages and guess what! tuey's going to try to get back into decatur this year! her mom's already emailed the principal, and i'm going to hit up baker to help out a good cause. i'm also going to talk to brandon and jeff about convincing bressler to put in a good word for her, too. but, hurray! i might get my friend back! i won't be wandering alone in masses of people i know but don't really have anything to say to! haha. nah, it's not really that bad, but i do miss having her around. all the bunches of people just can't add up to one person i know and trust completely.
so, i was thinking i would sleep when i got home, but this piece of good news has completely woken me up, so that's out of the question. i went to get the mail and it started raining! and when i got there, i got a letter from matt! oh, sad, i just read it... he's being sent home for fraudulent enlistment. the bastards! matt's not a liar, and he's going to fight it as much as he can. i know he will. he loves being part of the military and if the air force won't take him, he wants to try the navy. he won't let them mess that up for him. i'm going to write him back, then it's off to the books i go. hopefully i can be in bed before 10 - i fully intend to be sleeping like a little baby by then.

midtown - frayed ends

all bets are off. i didn't even make it past midnight.

go ahead - supposedly

john (father of the kids i babysit) hit the nail on the head. (isn't that a dumb phrase? i love it!) "i can sleep in a couple days." that's pretty much my motto these days. like, okay, they didn't get back until freakin' 11:45! well, at least i got my homework done. but still! i have to work tomorrow... i just know i'm going to pull what i did yesterday - come home, pass out for a couple hours, wake up around 11, finish homework, fall back asleep.
babysitting wasn't too bad. i mean, the kids were great! how can you not love being completely immature, getting to play with play-dough and watch kid movies and have serious conversations about when mommy and daddy are going to be home. after dinner i took the kids to play out in the street (haha!) and discovered, to my joy of joys, that my cell phone gets reception there! (i swear, i live in a hole, the only places it gets reception are if i'm standing in my room, or in the streets.) so i called jeff 'n talked to him for a while, which made things easier. put kids to sleep at 8, and then it was crack-down time on homework, wahoo! but it's (mostly) done, so that's good. and john and michelle brought me back a scone from the fair! that was wonderful. so... yeah... i drank a bunch of their energy drinks, but didn't bring one home with me, so i'm going to be in serious pain tomorrow. let's start taking bets right now about whether or not i break down tomorrow? ugh. i need sleep and cold medicine, then i'm gonna pass out for the next... 6 hours. not enough. but oh well.

swingin' utters - twenty three

hello kids! quick update before i'm gone. (michelle called last minute, off to babysit in half an hour) ummm... well i don't know what to put, i'm absolutely infatuated with jeff (duh) but i'm also starting to notice that 'cause of him, i'm really not getting out and trying to meet other people (like during lunch and stuff). so i need to work on that. went to the fccla meeting today, it doesn't sound too bad so i'll try it out for a while. haha, while i was walking home today, i felt like such a nerd, but i know cole would be proud. i was blasting enya in the headphones! it was neat. anyway, i think i'm still stressed, but so far i haven't cracked since.. friday? i think it was. things seem to be getting easier, but that might just be the cold medicines making me numb. who knows!

finch - stay with me (i know it's a repeat, but i like it)

umm.. school was okay today, i mean actually, it was pretty good. i just don't feel very enthusiastic right now. but no, it was good! english was mind-numbing, advisory was neat with jeff, marketing was mind-numbing, lunch was neat with jeff, marketing got a little better when brandon, kayla, and russ came to talk to me. anatomy is getting better every day! now donovan's in it, so it's me, donovan, franny, and rai all together. wonderful!. donovan gave me a ride home, i broke his toy and got the seatbelt stuck in the door and showed him a picture of garet; he's interested. work, umm... nothing really special, finished about 15 minutes early again but fortunately alan had just gotten out of swim practice so i talked to him and his mom gave me a ride home. and now i'm home, with textbooks to read and homework to do and chapped lips and i'm dizzy 'cause i'm dehydrated and my throat's sore, and my nose isn't ventilating. life's just dandy.

dropkick murphys - blood and whiskey

so today, things didn't go quite as planned. but it was all fun, 'cause i still got to spend the day with jeff. he, sean, and adrian came over in the afternoon-time and we all went over to brandon's, pretty much spent the day there except for a small detour to taco bell. which was actually kinda cool 'cause i saw andrew! but yeah, we all just sat around in brandon's driveway, watching him and terry skateboard and stuff. at one point adrian decided to break his skateboard, so we all took turns with the metal baseball bat to try to smash it in half.
mm, so yeah, i don't really feel like concentrating on this very much. i need to do homework but i don't think i can do that either. dumb jeff. taking up all my thought space. oh well!

lawrence arms - faintly falling ashes

it started out horrible. 6 am i woke up unable to breathe, my throat killing me. a cold, hurrah! eventually i got back to sleep, woke up around 11. around noon i took a sudafed, the only cold medicine we have... only it's the night time kind, so i ended up falling asleep. jeff came over at 1, and literally, just as he walked into my room, the phone rang. it was weird, considering just a couple moments before, i'd been blissfully unaware of anything happening around me.
so, i spent 7 hours straight with him today! not as good as 19, but still, a good amount. and at the end, i still didn't want him to leave (except that, well, i was afraid he'd get bored of me soon..) we went to starbucks, and got coffee. well, i got chai and he got coffee. he was a coffee virgin! so, yeah, he didn't like the black stuff too much. barely drank any of it at all, but... i'll work on him. we stopped by brandon's on the way back to talk to him. sat on his porch and discussed tomorrow's plans. it was hilarious 'cause when we walked up, logan was sitting in the car pretending to be a racecar driver. he was so cute! but yeah brandon gave us a ride back 'cause he and terry were off to the bank, 'n jeff and i spent the rest of the day at my house. at one point we were cutting up onions 'cause i was trying to make myself cry... don't ask, but it was fun. we talked for a long while, just pretty much wasted the day on my bed. but it was good. i enjoyed it immensely, and i'm really looking forward to tomorrow.