weezer - say it ain't so

new blog!

that was the same night ellie and i followed the jeep guy home to his apartment, yelled at him out of the windows of my car, got his phone # and never talked to him again. we laughed the whole night and used it as a way to kick-start my newfound energy and excitement for life. (toward the start of summer, right before ellie and i stopped talking, we were at 7-11 buying slurpees and the jeep guy came in. we laughed so hard we cried.)
semester, summer, and i'm gone. bellingham is so close. i'll be able to start over there. i won't have to keep in touch with anyone i don't want to. no more random people popping back into my life - i don't have to worry much about running into them at college, do i?

duane eddy - rebel rouser

the crotch shot! kenny took it, but i made it memorable.

we looked gorgeous, all wet and goose-pimply.  

i like this one 'cause i look goofy. it's like one of those pictures where everyone's smiling and happy, but you're only seeing it because 10 minutes later the people died in a car crash.  

steel lake! check out all that awesome ice!  

getting ready to jump... we were freezing even before we got in. the couple behind us thought we were crazy, i dunno why. 

see that? see? i always said bobby was a bastard, and here's proof!  

tuey didn't have the camera wound the first time we jumped! so she made me jump in again. ohhh man it was cold. 

me, looking up. wow. 

it's hilarious because you can totally see the ketchup bottle. and there's nothing coming out. 

i think he looks better with crayons in his nose, don't you? 

louis is such a sweety. 

kenny fought the floor and lost.  

i baked a cake! since i ended up giving it to kenny, i decorated it for chanel (she stood around while i baked it).hot like a chicken pot pie! 

ellie and adam kissed on my bed, aww. i call this homemade porn. 

dj sleeping... beau i think was doing something to him. don't remember. 

devon lookin' all model-esque. kenny took most of the pictures that look better than tourist-quality. like this one. 

denny's! we go about 3 times a week, it's unhealthy. phil, waitress katie, waitress something-ika, kenny, me, and louis.  

third eye blind - deep inside of you

man. tuey has her goo goo dolls. i have my third eye blind. i missed the blue cd. now that it's back (after what, 3 years??) i can't stop listening to it.
agoraphobia: abnormal fear of being helpless in an embarrassing or unescapable situation that is characterized especially by the avoidance of open or public places.
i'm supposed to be watching wings of desire right now.. but honestly i keep getting distracted too easily to do anything for more than a few minutes. i'm thinking i'm going to make a rag bag (don't confuse it with the ones from work!). i'm going to fill it with scraps of clothing to patch up my purse with. or maybe make things out of. who knows?
oh so! stupid story of the day: liz and i jumped into steel lake! mid-january, yep. there were patches that were frozen over. tuey was awesome and took a bunch of pictures for us. so, we're running around in bathing suits, and there's this couple standing on the dock layered up in puffy jackets, scarves, gloves, looking out at the water. the contrast between our clothing and theirs was hilarious! so we jumped. and it was cold. and we were numb after. bobby took off running with our towels (that bastard!), so i'm trying to catch up to him, but i know it's bad when i'm running barefoot on frozen, rock-hard sand and can't even feel it. so eventually bobby gives me my towel.. and it really didn't make much difference. tuey tried rubbing some feeling back into my arms, and it was this weird disconnected feeling where i could feel all the little fibers scratching against my skin, but it didn't make any difference. later ellie had to have her parents pull a shard of glass out of her foot.

eels - susan's house

work: amy got me a bunch of towels from the laundry room! so i walked around in what i called an egyptian outfit, but really, i just had a towel wrapped around my waist and another under the arms and over the boobs (it sounds like a rhyme to teach kids how to tie their shoes...)
i thought about the contrast between mothers and little girls. moms are large, but they're moms, so it's okay if they're not "attractive". they've got their kids to worry about. little girls are tiny, the same towel that barely makes its way around a mom completely envelopes their kid.
eyes are hurting from chlorine. bryce says i'm his hero. froze my ass off for 3 hours!!! now i'm tired and all worn out but i'm going to be up way late no matter what. and this weekend is going to be crazy!
i've been thinking about this weekend endlessly. from mundane things, like to shave my legs or no, to scary stuff like what if something goes wrong and things get out of control and bad things happen? ugh. i hate thinking about the future. i'm optimistic, but at the same time, i'm always thinking about how it could go wrong. how i could screw up and what the worst thing to happen might be. what if i trip and break my leg? become paralyzed? it's entirely possible, when you think about how often i fall down the stairs.

edit! 30 minutes later. i called this weekend going wrong. well not really. i'm just not going down to my cousin's anymore. but it's all good, it just means more time to spend with my friends here.
and check this out! you might remember a while back, i was bitching about the stickers. today's a good day now.

third eye blind - losing a whole year

so... over at kenny's tonight, this song kept repeating over and over through my head.

I remember you and me used to spend
The whole goddamned day in bed
Losing a whole year
Hiding in your room we'd lay like dogs
And the phone would ring like a joke that's left unsaid

i walked off with his necklace on. of course. i can't remember anything when i'm around him.
anyway. placed sixth in hospitality, going to state. not surprised. weird, tho, last year i was sixth in marketing management. guess i'm destined to spend my life being the sixth.

OriginalWFunk: so even though u arent online my big idea was to take a day or multiday trip to the beach for tony's birthday this weekend maybe u could bring friends or wahtever u wanted im just really bored and need something to do. and since it is a holiday weekend i thought i run this by you.

that would be so freakin' awesome.
"Don't tell me how you hate your new foster home. If they're not beating you, consider yourself lucky. Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way."
White Oleander is my bible. i could read it a million times, and every word in it sinks into my brain like words straight from god. the best quote is right in that passage, tho. loneliness is the human condition. it always makes me a little sad to think about it, but it's also reassuring when i'm feeling alone. if it's true, then at least everyone else goes through the same thing, that even in being disconnected from everyone around me, we can all still connect on some level. we're all alone. it's a basic human fact, and once you admit it, you realize that no one is better off than anyone else. we're all the same, really.

bright eyes - sunrise and sunset

i've found my offical new year's resolution!
i'm going to get in touch with my ancestry. i've never taken much interest in finnish culture before, but lately i've been wondering. i did a quick search on wikipedia and (why was i surprised? it makes complete sense) i found a whole bunch of information on finnish paganism. they had bird statues to hold the soul in your body while you slept. their crude wood carvings remind me of tiki gods.
i want to read the Kalevala.
don't worry, i won't tackle learning finnish. twelve verb tenses? hell no, i says.
if you've got $3 to spend, check this out. Wary Tales! i've got this unhealthy fascination with online art/comics... but anyway, one of the stories includes a very creepy poem, not sure where it's from, but i don't think the artist made it up...
Three youths a'walkin' in the wood
To do their youthful limbs some good
did see an aweful sight.
Three bags o' bones in rags they found
A crawlin' up from 'neath the ground
into the dusky light.
"Come closer, lads," the bones did say,
"It's many years now since the day
when we once stood your height--"
"And soon enough your bones'll be
A walkin' naked just like we
and picked a pretty white."
The lads they up and left the place,
a'bounding at a mighty pace,
into the happy night.
But though they very swiftly fled,
Today each lad is lonesome dead-
for bones are always right!

bright eyes - the calendar hung itself

Does he kiss your eyelids in the morning when you start to raise your head? And does he sing to you incessantly from the place between your bed and wall? Does he walk around all day at school with his feet inside your shoes? Looking down every few steps to pretend he walks with you? Does he know that place below your neck that is your favorite to be touched and does he cry through broken sentences like I love you far too much? Does he lay awake listening to your breath? Worried that you smoke too many cigarettes. Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor? For every speck of tile there are a thousand more that you won't ever see but must hold inside yourself eternally.
You make me happy when skies are gray You make me happy the skies are gray and gray and gray.

bright eyes. hell yeah. sentimental emo shit that doesn't sound pretty, it's his voice and his raw emotions that get to you. i guess you could say it's not good companion music. anytime someone else is in the room, pick something else. but when you're by yourself and have time to listen to the lyrics, lose yourself in the music... bright eyes. all the way. this one just now is my favorite, i was rocking out to the sunshine part in my sweats while hanging up my new nerd clothes.
did i mention i love my denny's crew? i'm going to get my camera developed and all the pictures will be at denny's. with maybe, maybe one or two of me and ellie screwing around federal way.
and just as a note. i don't think i've ever been this happy, this confidant in who i am and what i'm doing. my life is overflowing with potential, from far and distant post-college days, to within the next few months. i'm satisfied. i fall asleep smiling. and even if i do still wake up wanting to go back to sleep forever, that's only because i'm reliving the last few days in my dreams.
i found my shrek watch under my bed last night. now i just need to figure out how to program it. .. or maybe i won't bother. that'd be cool too.
i have this crazy urge to see my cousin. i feel like i could completely live up to her glamourous mindset right now. we could drape ourselves in jewelry and scents, then run around talking to strangers and drinking sobes. it'd be fantastic.
so josh is trying to make me appreciate music.. it's too funny that i had to give in and do what he said. and this stuff is all crazy old music with snapping fingers and doo-wop ahhh sounds. i love it! totally grooving to it right now. but it's making me crave some patsy kline.

nora jones - seven years

whoa. check this out. elizabeth (not ellie, elizabeth) invited me to hawaii over spring break! she and a bunch of her college pals are renting a cabin, and they're just going to chill on the beach, surf, play. all i need is the ticket, and i'm there. ... just thinking about it makes me all excited! so i figure i have to bond hardcore with her before she leaves for college again, so she doesn't forget me.
i like cough drops. 'course, the ones i've been eating aren't cough drops. they're vitamin C supplement drops. assorted citrus flavors. yum, baby.
i feel fantastic. last night i stood outside, smoking a cigarette and watching the snow fall. it was beautiful. i fell asleep to my headphones and woke up with ellie sound asleep on the floor. we piled up all the blankets on my bed and stretched out, sharing our stories from last night. great stories, by the way. last night was amazing. kenny keeps pointing out all the people i've been talking to about him, but he doesn't even know the half of it. elizabeth calls him "the guy with the face." odd coincidence, tho. she was at olive garden last night, sitting right behind us. she told me "i was sitting there thinking, where have i heard that voice before? i know someone who talks just like that..." and she turned around and it was me! but she didn't say anything 'cause she was on a date. still. it was cool. it was a conversation starter.
life is beautiful. not all the time, of course. but even in its worst moments, it's the best we've got or will ever have. i think back on all the memories i have, the things i've done and the people i've known.. and it's amazing how much can happen to just one person. listening to nora jones, watching the snow fall last night, reading white oleander, walking around safeway with liz, eating cheerios in shorts and a sweatshirt, tucking my feet under the cushions because it's cold... everything, all of it, makes life so good and fulfilling that ....
so i just spaced out for a half hour there. sorry folks. guess i won't be able to finish what i was thinking. but life's good, i'm happy, and my legs are cold so i'm going to put some pants on.

In the year 2005 I resolve to: Generate more bad karma. Get your resolution here

cute how that works. i've been doing that on my own already.

cake - when you sleep

so, awesome day i'd think. no snow.. big disappointment. but hey. we'll get some later, right? ... right. i half-slept through all of OSC, listening to stoner stories and pretty much doing nothing. towards the end of the day, people started noticing that i'd only get up if i was going somewhere else to sleep.. i think it was just natural to go home and take a nap, don't you? except i forgot to get up again. when i woke up at 1 it was a little too late to go to school. so instead, i ran! 3 miles baby, oh yeah! so i celebrated by shaving my legs, walking around the house in the nude with my headphones on. powerful's the only word i can think of to describe that feeling. smooth, strong legs, cake crooning in my ears..
so, listening to cake, i came up with the idea of making a Cake cake! so i gathered up my ingredients, popped in the CD, and prepared to start baking. except i was missing a few ingredients, so off to the store it was! and chanel called, she wanted some of the cake, so we met up at my house and girl gabbed and made an afternoon of it. while the cake was in the oven we headed off to fred meyer again ('cause we wanted to decorate the cake). and it was awkward. 'cause as i'm gushing to chanel about kenny, we walk through the doors and there he is! i kind of stop what i was saying and finish it off with "... and that's him." so we said hi to the boys before we booked it out of there and laughed our asses off in the baking aisle. it was cute, and she gave me props for pulling it off all slick-like.
so then.. more stuff to do with the Cake cake. it was a little pudding-ish when we got back to my house, which makes sense 'cause i didn't exactly use the right sized pan.. but it's all good, it turned out fine in the end! right now it's cooling on some racks, i'll probably frost it when i get back from work.. maybe?
so one last trip, we drove pat over to chris's house 'cause his car is dead, then chanel left and here i am bored and ignoring my homework. score.