drove around for about an hour today, picking up applications and such. i can't get behind the wheel often enough these days!
i'm really scared about trying to find a job. i don't want to get stuck at wild waves. but so far, it doesn't look like i'll have any luck anywhere else.
i feel almost sad today. i guess liz doesn't want to be my friend anymore. the story goes like this: after she left on friday, i didn't talk to her at all the whole weekend, except when she called on sunday and asked if i wanted to go to southcenter with her. monday while i'm sleeping, she leaves a message that her mom won't be able to drive us to kickboxing anymore. i ask her about it today, and she says it's because she got a membership to bally's... and she's mad at me. she said i lied to her about whether i drank or not at brandon's on friday (i did, i'm not denying that. i didn't get drunk, though.) and since then, she won't talk to me. she avoids me in the halls. and tuey says she thinks we're too different from each other and our friendship isn't working out? ... i guess i can understand how sarah feels now. being judged unfairly for something you have no control over. i didn't lie to liz. i know i didn't. if she'd asked, i would have told her. but she didn't. and now she won't talk to me.
oh well, summer's coming, life will go on. i survived without her before, and while it hurts to be rejected by what i thought was one of my closest friends... i still have other people.
for instance, scott. now there's something unexpected. but talking to him couldn't have come at a better time. it actually seems like he cares about me. shocker, i know, considering we've had virtually no contact our entire lives. anyway, it's one thing that keeps me going.
josh is another person that's helping me out. he probably doesn't even know it. but i've known him for what seems like so long now, i can just let go and be myself around him. i don't have to put up any walls, or pretend to be something i'm not. i can just relax.
brian's also helping. just waking up or coming home and finding messages from him makes me feel better. stupid stuff, all of it, like him talking to himself about his font. but it's cool, because no one else does that.
bubbles are relaxing, too.