audio karate - betrayed

jeff wasn't at school today. i was really looking forward to seeing him again, maybe spend the day after school... but, well, besides a short maybe 2 minute call during lunch, i haven't seen/heard from him at all. i don't know, i've just got this weird feeling that everything's not as right as it was before halloween... i think i've fucked up pretty bad. like steph said, in a relationship, everything you do effects the other person. i'm kind of jumping to conclusions here, but i'm a girl, so give me a break. but i figure what i did at least added a little to jeff's mood, and just thinking that's got me feeling pretty bad too. hell, even at brandon's, i didn't enjoy myself as much as i thought i would. guilt trip, i guess. i hate these things. but, yeah, despite being sad that jeff didn't want to see me today, i guess i still had fun.
after school i went to tuey's... drank ice water and watched her chop her garbage can with a butcher knife... then at 2:40 i had to go pick up liz from detention. we drove around for 'bout half an hour, driving by people's houses... long story short, i think my ex saw us and i forgot where sam lives (hurrah!). we kept driving and saw some people from school and then i drove her home and went back to tuey's.
steph 'n i spent the day just doing dumb stuff... standing around her kitchen, deciphering meghan's sign language, and talking. talked lots with steph, it felt good, even though it killed my throat completely and i sound absolutely horrible now. then we came to my house and ate cake and stir fry and drank soda and she planned out her room in my pantry, and i drank nasty cold medicine. now she's gone and i have to do homework for the two big tests i have tomorrow.
... you know, as much as i love to avoid problems, i don't think i could bear skipping school tomorrow. sure, it'd be okay with my mom... but that's too much work to try to make up. sure i'm sick enough for it to be a reasonable excuse, but... i'd just be avoiding it all. and i need to stop doing that. i need to suck it up and see it through.