goo goo dolls - acoustic #3



michael, and then the top of tony's sharpie-colored head.
wow. today sucked, and ruled, all at the same time. it was bad, then really bad, then okay, then really good, then okay, then really good, then really bad, then really good again, and now it's just good.
here's the explanation for those moods. bad - when i woke up, i tripped (twice) walking across my room on different things, and fell flat and wanted to cry because i was so tired and scared about going through another day.
really bad - right toward the end of math, i had a panic attack. i don't understand this precal stuff, i just can't figure it out, at all... and i got to thinking about brent, and how he used to be around to help me with all my problems, not just math. but he could make me feel better no matter what was wrong. and i miss him so much... i almost started crying at school, i felt so completely alone and cut off from everyone in my life.
it got okay when i was in weight training - nothing extremely special, just running around with tuey, and we maxed out on the bench and drank lots of water.
it was really good during lunch - i had goldfishes! i ate lots of them, and shared with louis and liz and tuey and christian, and filled tobias's shirt with them. that one kid with the cool socks made me carry him around because it would be "romantic". and tuey and i went from talking about me finally having her child to different ways we could pop a baby's head (i know, it was pretty sick).
history was okay. nothing truly good or bad - i half paid attention and half filled out the packet on the chapter.
after school, it got really good again - liz and i sped home and talked, like we've been doing for the past week. she'd been having a pretty crappy day, too, so we laughed and joked and basically made each other feel better again. we ate lots of chocolate and made horse lips and talked about how messed up our school is, and how it's not anyone's specific fault, it's just everyone's attitude lumped together that makes everything so impersonal. then at work i wasn't all alone, tosha was there and there were cool people all around the building to talk to.
it got really bad again for some strange reason while i was outside all alone, washing some windows. i started shaking, and getting really nervous, though i'm not sure why. i was scared, and i didn't want to go back into the building. i wanted to go home and crawl into bed and hold onto my stuffed dog and pull the covers over my head and forget about everything and everyone. i started thinking about brent again, and again, almost started crying. i've been close to losing it all day, actually. the only thing that's kept me from breaking down is just forcing myself to stop thinking about it, and focus completely on whatever i'm doing.
it got really good again when i finished work and went downstairs to talk to david. he was busy, so i sat on a table with the 24 year old and we talked about valentine's day coming, and why he's attractive to younger girls (heheh.. umm? not talking from personal knowledge here? yeah right.) and then while i was learning how to do my computerized time sheet ryan came in from giving lessons and give me a big wet hug, which made my whole day seem bearable.
so now it's good again, because i'm home and i ate some more chocolate to cheer myself up. and i'll be going to do history soon, which is okay. it may be time consuming, but i understand it and even partially enjoy it.
sitting behind sean in math, i can't help but overhear his and madison's conversations about music. now, don't get me wrong. jazz and music theory and everything like that is absolutely wonderful - hell, that's what set me off in the first place, because i got to thinking about how nuts brent was about jazz, and how i miss having his influence around, showing me new things that i'd appreciate. anyway. those two are on the right path about a lot of things. but. for an example let's use blink 182. just because they got more in-depth and complex with their music, doesn't mean it's better than their old stuff. remember those camp songs we sang? they're simple, they're things anyone can learn - and they're the favorites. an italian sonata may be beautiful, but anyone can sit around the campfire and sing along to an acoustic guitar. so, the whole point of this is, i like the old blink better than their new cd. honestly, their new cd, except for a few tracks, hurts to listen to. but the old stuff is fun and immature and easy to lose yourself in. thank you, that's all.