juliana theory - emotion is dead (CD)



that's us. me, left, and steph tuey, right. we'd been meaning to take the pot head pictures for weeks, but only got around to it about a week ago. so there's we are! haha, steph ran into a wall when she was trying to walk through a door. and then we rammed heads and... it was fun.
so this is what it's like to be happy! i'd forgotten. i went for so long being unhappy or uncomfortable and unable to just relax and smile, genuinely smile. i'm not exactly sure how it happened, but something changed.
last night i did talk to matt for a little bit. he asked, so i told him that yes, i was unhappy. and in the course of trying to figure out why, i realized i really don't want to be feeling sorry for myself over this. so i told him, nicely of course, to drop the subject and talk to me about how he's going to abduct me to canada.
and since then i've felt better. i think i had a dream about when liz and i used to go to 7-11 and eat ice cream on the side of the road, and order fried rice for 50 cents at peking wok. we had fun. and i've figured it out - wishing for something better won't change anything. i just need to be satisfied with what i've got.
and after today, i am.
it's strange, though, how work has gotten to be such a huge part of my life. not the extra days irene tacks on, but my usual schedule, tuesdays and thursdays. those are good days.
i talked to jaimie about the sat's. how she did and how i think i did and how we both guessed for almost every comparison question. that set me up right away for a good day, and then irene pretty much had nothing for me to do that whole day, so it was even better.
good thing number 3. i ran into roman again, we talked for a long while about stuff in general. his little brother has pneumonia.. i felt bad about that but he didn't seem too worried. he's also interested in working at the aquatic center, so i told him what he'd have to do and, yeah. that'd be cool if he got a job.
so not 2 minutes after roman left i ran into alan, 'n we talked for a while about more stuff in general. i don't really remember, actually.
good thing number 5! this one's the best. i was walking down the hallway past the guy's lockerroom, and could hear them showering. and a big group of them were singing "you are my sunshine" at the top of their lungs. (!!!) i almost died. it was so funny, i just started grinning like mad and when i walked out onto the deck i saw russ, and i promise, i did try to stop smiling at least until i got up to him. but of course i couldn't help it. i started grinning like mad about 10 feet from him and... well, it reminded me of the day i met jon at the mall, where we were walking toward each other and laughing and there really wasn't any reason, it was just so cool to see him again.
anyway. i talked to russ for a while when i was sitting around waiting for my shift to end. and this guy... he's too perfect. loud and funny and childish (he was rolling around the guard room on a razor skooter) and just... really nice. but he's still got that asshole feel to him that steph's mom and i have agreed is essential.
so. i'm taking steph's advice and forgetting about liking him. and think of him like a big brother, goofball friend, instead. because 24 is a lot older than 16.
my parents bought a twelve pack of diet coke. i've got 8 empty cans of it in my room right now. oops! so much for kicking the addiction - this has been in the last two days alone.