i think i mentioned it before... that the point of having this, for me, is to take risks, put up personal stuff and realize that, yes, someone i talk to tomorrow will have read it.
stephanie's bugged me about it before. it's her pride and joy - that she was the one who pulled me out of my shell. and she was! one of the many reasons why i love her so much. but, as much as i can try to ignore that insecure, shy little girl in there (i hate her, btw), she still shoves her head out sometimes. that's right, i'm insecure. ... it sucks.
anyway, what does this all mean? it means, that just like every other kid out there, i just want to be loved. i look up to the people around me, and i want to be accepted by the people i like.
so, you can't really blame me for being excited. i mean, come on, this is my chance. in a couple weeks i'm going to be carted around by people i adore - sam and kristin. 3 weeks, having to go do silly tourist things, wandering around pike place market, overnighters... it's... well honestly, it's what i've been wanting all year. to feel like i'm a part of something. that i might be missed if i don't show up.
ah, hell, just forget it. i'm not making any sense. these are just my little things that make my day better - believe me, there are tons, but actually putting them up here? ... that's too scary for words. it'd be like... admitting to people just how much they mean to me. call me stupid, paranoid, whatever. but just thinking about it makes me hestitate, feel a little vulnerable... it's that damn sheltered girl in there. it's her fault. make her go away...