pete yorn - lose you

for the first time, i heard the story of how my parents met.
it's pretty simple, actually. when my mom was in highschool, my dad was a leader at their youth group. she talked to him a little, but never really got to know him. off to college she went, and didn't see him again for 3 years, until after he'd graduated. she was at the library one day when she ran into him - he was preparing for a sunday school class he was going to teach the next day. she walked up to him and said hi, asked how things were going, then went off to study after saying maybe she'd see him around sometime. and he stopped her and asked if she'd like to go see a movie that night. they started dating, they got married, and she's never once regretted it, even after 25 years.
what was it she said? "i've never regretted any of it, never wondered if someone better might've come along."
i like that. i like the idea that some casual acquaintance could be the story of your life. i like to believe that true love is out there, not the passionate infatuation kind, but the kind that sees you through every day life. she was telling me how it's not just enough to find a person that cares about you - it needs to be someone that you can care about. you can't live with someone your entire life and be completely selfish. she told me about her dad, and her mom, who i don't even remember.
my grandpa's a nice guy, i guess, but he's also old-fashioned. i guess he was really disrespectful when my mom was growing up. he wasn't an alcoholic or abusive, just emotionally cold. and it really messed my grandma up. she was unstable and relied on my mom, the only other girl in a family of 7, to be with her all the time and be there for her through everything. my mom's like me - she needs her space, her time to be independant. and my grandma would be jealous of the time my mom spent on her own, without her.
...anyway, it was really interesting to hear all this. i've been reading again, different books than usual. and i saw big fish today, which only encouraged the feeling. when i was little, i wasn't raised on family stories, i wasn't taught about any kind of heritage i could be proud of. no really strong family secrets or anything like that. you know how some people have this whole ancestry, prestige-type thing going on? i've had none of that. i really don't know much about my family, my parents or my grandparents or beyond. i think today was the most i've ever heard my mom talk about what life was like for her, growing up. i liked it.
i've always liked stories with a history. i love complex histories, stories that go back forever and are like legends to the world today. tolkein's books are amazing, he created a whole world. you read lord of the rings and you know it's only one small part of the story, that there are so many sidetracks to consider, so many different parts. i like things like that, and i like hearing about things that've happened before.
so apparently matt and james are going to come visit me on the 21st. i might skip school that day, but first i have to figure out what's going on then.
i got tons of books are the book warehouse. well, not tons. 4. but they were cheap, and i feel giddy just looking at them. it's amazing how much i've suddenly become obsessed with literature. online i'm reading the scarlet pimpernel, i'm in the middle of white oleander and house of sand and fog, and now i've got these new ones. i'm happy! my cup overfloweth.
oscar wilde - the importance of being earnest and other plays
arthur miller - death of a salesman
alex shakar - the savage girl
jaclyn moriarty - feeling sorry for celia
oh, and my mom and i went shopping for a baby shower at oshkosh. talk about flashbacks! there i was, surrounded by all these cute baby clothes that i recognized from all my baby pictures. it's so easy to get caught up in "oh this is so cute!" and forget that we're talking babies, here. everything gets mauled and slobbered on and stained and dirty within the first hour of being worn. but they were cute. my mom said i was regressing, when i ended up buying a baby toy for myself (what can i say? it's cute!) she's also warned me not to even consider having a baby for at least another 10 years.