anna's been sick all week; i didn't get to see her today. i'm a little sad, yeah, but i'll see her next week, so it's not too bad. instead i went up to 7-11 with josh, got some ice cream and just sat out on the sidewalk and talked to him forever. we talked about a lot of things, from dodo's to relationships. some of the things i told him i hadn't even realized until then. so, well, i wasn't feeling too good about life when i got home. i got a few hours' sleep, lay down around 5 and just woke up. i'm still not feeling so great, but at least i know why. i'm confused. how can i be sure of anything, when i rarely see or talk to him? when the only time i ever see him, someone else is the focus of his attention?
it's not something i want to dwell on. instead, i noticed something else to brood about. josh was asked a few days ago about religion; a friend of ours is curious and wants to know more. josh is a great guy; he's definitely a good choice to go to when you want to know more about christianity. but, well... no one's ever asked me about my faith. and i can't blame them. i don't make it obvious. in fact it's pretty hard sometimes to tell what i believe in. sure, yeah, i'm still trying to figure that out. ... but it still hurts, when i think about it. despite what i do or say or how i act, i do still believe in God and the resurrection and deep down, i really am a Christian. i just have problems showing it.
anyway, i don't much like this depressed feeling. i'd like to ignore it. that's not likely to happen. but i can try, right? music's good at drowning things out. why else do you think i listen to it so much?