eels - my beloved monster

friday night as i was passing out, the very beginning of that song started playing in my head. i couldn't figure out what it was called, only that it was in shrek, so i miserably pulled myself awake and wrote blindly onto a piece of paper "shrek sountrack."
things like this tend to happen a lot. lists and receipts and scraps of paper are scattered all over my room, all with random notes on them that i can barely figure out when i see them later.
yesterday was absolutely beautiful. i spent a few hours with brent at celebration park, but it felt like an entire week passed while we were there. it was an adventure, a story unfolding, with its high points and low points, moments of laughter and sorrow. the beauty of it all made me want to cry. i actually did a one point, while i was sitting on a stone bench looking at the pavement. the colors were bleeding together and flowing toward me in a river. off to the left were the trees and the sunset and the shadows, pure nature. to the right were neatly cut lawns and clean cement paths - nature, sterilized.
later i sat with terry at chase's house, and the ugliness of it all was a huge contrast. terry's bone-thin wrist, every vein in his arms and hands sticking out of his pale white skin. the fat friend, sitting on the couch with her puppy talking to it like a real baby, slapping it's stomach, her laughter grating in my head. i'd never been more relieved than when we left, and i sat in my car listening to some kind of italian opera on the radio for a while.
today isn't anything. my head is throbbing, i feel sick eating and drinking, and i can't focus enough to do any work. brent's been in my room all day playing final fantasy x, while i've been alternately downloading music and laying in bed, wishing i could sleep.
i found a blog online, the stories of a call girl. supposedly it's all a hoax, written by an english song writer who claims to have nothing to do with it. i don't really care whether it's true or not - the style of writing is addictive. it makes me want to experiment with my own writing, my own style of blogging. but my head hurts too much, and i have a built-in complex where i can't try something new, for fear it won't turn out as good as i'd want it to.
anyway, belle du jour, http://belledejour-uk.blogspot.com/
and for shits and giggles, http://www.milmillington.com/