third eye blind - narcolepsy

i'm going to try to make this quick, since i really, desperately should be elsewhere. however, procrastination has always, always been a problem of mine. it's just been getting worse, that's all.
i think i'm really stressed. not enough sleep or something. but it might be something else. during the day i'm okay. but when it gets dark out (at 4!!!) i start getting all... down. not really depressed, i don't think. i just don't feel good about myself, i don't feel good about my life. i can't get myself to be excited about anything. i'm a real drag when it comes to conversations.
i also crave getting out of this rut. i don't like the way i feel. i don't like who i am. i want to get up and get out and experience life and enjoy it, like i used to. what the hell is wrong?? why can't i do that anymore? maybe i just have selective memory. maybe i've always felt like this, but i can't remember. maybe i just make myself remember the fun stuff, not the way i feel disconnected from everything around me.