still nothing

well! this morning was horrible. my eyes were puffy from crying all night, my brain wouldn't focus, and despite the good dreams i had, i didn't feel much different from last night. i can't exactly explain why i felt so horrible. mostly stress, lack of sleep. it's making all the little issues seem worse. ... you know, actually, i think i've figured it out. i'm lonely. brent's gone, so i don't have him around the house anymore. and all the people at school... they're nice, i like everyone, of course. but i look around and notice that i don't really know any of them. they would never come to me with their problems. i would never go to them with mine. the few people i really care about are spread all over, and it's hard to feel like i belong anymore.
but yeah, that was how i felt all morning, and all last night as well. but after weight training (i have to admit, it was the elvis music that cheered me up), i felt better. and when i saw liz again at lunch, we both laughed. we'd both felt like shit yesterday and this morning, and we both felt great at lunch. and i had fun with her. i didn't feel bitter for once. see, that's one thing that's always bothered me. i love liz to death, but sometimes when i'm around her, i just don't want to put up with her. but today was great! we joked and laughed like usual and i hope i can keep it up. because if i don't, i'm going to lose a really close friend, and i'll hate myself for it.
so other than that, it's thursday and work wasn't too strenuous. i finished my third book this week and i'm moving onto the fourth. tomorrow i'm going shopping with anna, after hopefully spending the day with jeff, who i haven't seen very much at all lately and i miss like crazy.
oh, one other thing. last night while i was taking an unbelievably relaxing bubble bath (i didn't cry the whole time i was in there. unfortunately, i started again when i got back out.) tysson called. and you know me, i overthink about everything. especially when it comes to my cousin and everyone else from long beach. so i'm worried. i mean, why would tysson be calling me from the air force? he has my address (i think) and he hasn't written me once this whole time. and he told my parents he'd call back this weekend. and elaina's current msn isn't too reassuring (we rarely ever talk online, so i just guess her moods by what her screen name is. lately it's been THE FUCK UP. i really hope nothing bad happened.) but... yeah. just something i'm concerned about. i'm sittin around waiting for tysson to call back, and i really really hope he just wants to chat. it's always bad when someone calls for a reason.
i've been talking too much. time to go read that book now.