less than jake - all my best friends are metal heads

it's amazing how fast i can go from being absolutely miserable to deliriously happy. this morning didn't start out well. i was in a slightly better mood than last night, and trying to feel better by talking about things that make me happy. mostly, what i hope to do with life. and brent shot down my mood by going off on how i put way too much importance on friends and other people. how i'm a complete ditz and i need to wake up and realize what matters in life (namely, doing things for him and my parents). it got to the point where i knew brent would resort to not giving me a ride to work to get his point across, so i left the room. and stupidly, i called him an asshole as i left. so he still gave me a ride, but was yelling at me the whole time. you know, now that i think about it, there have been a lot of days when i've showed up at the shuttle on the verge of tears because of the things brent was saying about me on the ride to work. and to think i love this guy.
but yeah, work wasn't too much better. once again, i got stuck at the dumb balloon darts. it started looking up, though, the last hour and a half when jillian put me at the pool hall. that always cheers me up. and a couple minutes before i left josh davis came up and told me that two guys were trying to find me right after i left on sunday. wearing hats, looked like rocker dudes. i'm guessing jeff 'n sean, which got me smiling.
i walked home, which wasn't bad at all, the wind was blowing right in my face and it felt wonderful. i got another blister on my foot though.
i cleaned the kitchen first thing, and called liz and talked to her. i tried calling tuey since i haven't heard from her in a few days, but i couldn't track her down. probably with brandon, and i decided to be nice and leave them alone. but yeah, i thought a lot all day about what my family's been telling me. and i've decided that i'm going to make it up to them. i'm going to stop slacking off and start "keeping up my part of the bargain." you know, actually doing things at home other than eating food and hiding in my room. so, like i said, i cleaned the kitchen. and once i did that i sat on the tub again and popped the blisters my shoes are giving me. it's cool but creepy at the same time.
when my mom got home, the first thing she did was apologize for being too hard on me last night. and that, after every insult i've taken from them, was what put me over the edge and made me cry. but in a good way. it means i'm not as bad of a person as they almost convinced me i am. so we talked, for a long time. a very long time actually. and a lot of serious things were said, as well as a lot of dumb things. we made an apple pie, despite my protests that it's not healthy in any way. her argument? "if you want to lose weight, just remember what dad says. no thirds." i shrugged it off then thought about it for a second and started cracking up, and she laughed too and, well, it was just fun. so we're on good terms again and i've updated her on what's been going on in my life. and it feels good.
so i wrote matt a letter today. it's not as detailed as i wanted it to be, but my hand started cramping up. but i'll be writing them every day now, so it'll be easier when i'm not trying to cram the whole summer onto two pages. so far he thinks the tests are going well, but he still has more to go. it's still not definite if he's staying. so i'm still praying.
and other than all that, i can't think of much else to put in here. through all the up's and down's, life is still good and i'm still enjoying myself. i think i'm going to survive, even if it's going to be rough.