spent about 5 hours over at tuey's today, otherwise didn't do jack.
but, last night, i was feeling pretty bad. until i really, really thought about it. what happens now doesn't matter, not too much at least. two years from now, i'll be headed off for college. it seems so far away. but even college only lasts four years or so. after that, i'll have over fifty years to live my life. fifty years. that's insane. 21 seems so far away from now, i don't even consider 65. senior citizen? me? ... but i'll get there someday. and between then, i'm going to be pregnant. me? pregnant? same face, same height, same voice, same eyes... only carrying a living, seperate being in my stomach. ... it's so creepy to think about. and then my friends. evan, josh? with kids? responsible for the future of another person? being the center of the world to a little kid, who will copy everything they do and try to live up to their standards? and tuey... i mean, she's still a kid herself. no way would i trust her to take care of a kid when she's still trying to live her own life.
anyway. yeah. that's what's been on my mind lately. that, and how jealous i am of tuey and her family. her cousin jack gave her so much stuff today it's insane. i want a skull strobe light! i want a don't walk sign! i want neon orange tape! i want to be able to burn incense until my room gets hazy! ugh, she has it so great, i am so jealous of her.